Well I called h to apologize for being pushy and not listening to him. I said I was tired of fighting, wanted someone else to take over and tell me it would be ok. I asked him to go to the movies with me.
Well he called me back said he didn't want to go with me any where since he is still pissed at me for not listening to him last Tuesday! Said that I need to just chill out! Do what the counselor says...stop pressuring him, chill out.
I said fine I can chill out if you'd just act like you are happy to be with me when we go out and touch me outside the bedroom. He started to get angry and said he was not going to listen this bs right now. I said please I'm so lonely.
God I was pathetic. Finally h said that I needed to decide if I was going to show progress or not! That I only had a couple of more weeks to show any signs of improvement. I said I don't see how since I can't get from you what I need.
Well I guess what he's asking me to do is to not expect anything, not need anything like conversation or hugs or a happy face looking back at me. Just a rude, non conversational, introvert...is what I'm going to get.
Is that what I should do? Just go along with what he wants? Do whatever he wants? I just don't know what to do. He's mad cause I've been so silent this past week, I don't call him, I'm too vague about my whereabouts (though he doesn't really ask me he expects me to disclose info...like the guy I was talking to...he didn't ask me who it was nor made any overtures like he had anything to say to me but I needed to come over there and talk to him...I just needed to KNOW that automatically...is this another basic rule of marriage I'm not aware of???), With these expectations he has...do I just do those? And forget about me?
I'm so lonely I could die...I want to be wanted. It's hard to be with him like this not getting my needs met. He assumes that just by asking me out, having sex with me and watching movies together that I should be satisifed. Should I be?
I'm so confused, I have not idea what to do, what is right, who's right, nothing. I have no directions. I thought if I do the right thing which is give him what he wants I could get my needs met...but no. Should I make it all about him? Forget me?
