Yes, I definitely have been working on the relationship with the boy, but as of last night, I think I blew the whole thing.
I went opposite of the DB route. I couldn't help myself. It's been a stress just living in the same house with the "what is going to happen" factor.
She informed me she was going off to another city again for a job interview, one where the guy is also interviewing and I just lost it. So much for her plan of getting a job locally (a job predicated I think on him getting one locally that fell through) Everything came out. At one point the conversation was yelling, another it was crying, other times it was civil.
She's given up on me entirely, and well, I'm not sure I can put any more energy in this. She decided unilaterally that we're not compatible and decided that months before I caught the affair. She figured I would just leave if I found out about an affair, and she was a little shocked that I didn't want what she wants. I think she was counting on that to make it easier on herself.
She flew out this morning, I didn't sleep all night. The best thing that came out of this is that something is happening, and the cold war is probably coming to a close. In the end however I doubt she's going to be my wife, even though I told her I am willing to do therapy with and without her if we both work on our issues. I told her she's intelligent, driven, physically beautiful and has the qualities I look for in a person in my life --and that I really do want to make it work. I did not beg, however. Pretty much anti-DB at this point, but emotions took over.
The things she doesn't like about me are things I'm wiling to work on, she is not. I attacked and defended myself, she didn't want to have this argument, saying things like "this shouldn't be so hard" and my response was consistently "this is where you work to make a marriage work." She kept saying "I don't see it, I just don't anymore, I don't have the energy" and my constant rebuttal was "but I didn't know and for that I'm sorry." She thinks the new guy "gets her" and I never did, again stretching the last year of her disappointment into "this has been a problem for years." I can't work on a problem for years if I don't know it's a problem.
Son is at the grandparents house for the weekend, and anything I tell him about his mom has gotten back to her. I am NOT playing him against her, I told him he needs to contribute to the house by picking up his bedroom--and you have to realize she's let him have fermenting orange peels in his bedroom so it was starting to smell--and he told her I asked this and that got extrapolated back into my "neatness fanaticism."
She claimed she feels constantly guilty and sorry for what happened and that I didn't deserve what she did. Okay I guess, what am I supposed to say to that?
All I can do now is let time hopefully heal this. She will file now for a divorce the second any job offer comes, she's only been staying with me because she doesn't have the funds to go, and she said she would have moved out ages ago if any of her job opportunities come through. Her original plan was to get this first job from my original post and just bail with minimal notice. Unfortunately the new employers just haven't agreed with her plans yet.
