Need to get it out....

[Truegritter]

She did and after a year of therapy decided to have her Mom come to a session so that she could tell her. After telling her Mom the first thing that her mom said was "we can't tell anyone about this"

This is what is so horrible about this tragedy. She will carry this the rest of her life.

The people who were/are supposed to protect her didn't/don't.

Her self esteem suffers from this delibilitating blow.

AND

There is not damn thing you can do to fix it.

This is a topic I know well but I am not an expert you should probably read up on this if you haven't. You will see similarities in cases of childhood sexual abuse and they can range from moderate to severe. I would never say it can be called mild. It is not mild and it will never be. It will never go away until SHE deals with it.

She is by what you tell me still in the victim stage. There is hope and help. There is a book called "spouses of survivors of sexual abuse" or something to that affect. You can find it if you search.

She has to decide to move from victim to survivor.

Then to thriving.

I tried to protect her from things that were stressful such as paying the bills, being with large groups of people, being alone for long periods of time. I noticed that a pattern started to evolve each year where she would sink into certain aspects of depression (sleeping, anxiety, weight loss) but then snap out of it. During these time I tried to encourage her to speak about what was bothering her but she seemed withdrawn. For about 3 years it progressed then for a couple of years there were no problems.

This is also a pattern.

Sycamore there is a lot of stuff to take in here about your situation and I could go on...

The most important thing for you to understand is this:

YOU DID NOT BRAKE HER AND YOU CAN'T FIX HER.

She said she loved me, was in love with me, but had to fix herself so she could continue to be my wife and a mother to our son.

I believe she does. And she desires to be and feel normal getting there is difficult.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage.

The best thing you can do right now is going to be counter intuitive and that is to detach from her. This will be hard because you will want to save her and fix her as you have wanted to do all along.

Maybe Cadet can post the link to the detachment guidance.

Look at my thread in MLC forum it is long and it started with "W has PTSD from childhood sexual abuse" was the title I think.

Let me know if you can't find it. I think it might help you to see yourself like me when I first got here.

Know that she doesn't feel worthy of you or her family and don't be surprised if you see her living "beneath" herself because of that.

How old is your W right now?

Was there a traumatic event recently that trigerred this or has she been having dreams/flashbacks?

Are your kids reaching the age she was when the abuse started?

Keep posting. You are in the right place and I will try to keep up with your thread.

Hang in there.