Just got back from my counseling session. The MC and I both do not know how to proceed now because feelings are very hurt by both h and myself. MC thinks setting some boundaries will be helpful. He said that h came in yesterday saying that he wants the m. But h's feelings are hurt and he feels rejected because i do not return his calls immediately, sometimes he can't find me, and i do not call him. MC says that he's not saying my h is not selfish but that because of his past my h can not make a decision without the outcome being affected. As for me, I've been very petty in trying to teach my h a lesson by paying him back in kind for the way he's been treating me. MC says we need to learn to be nice and sit down and discuss boundaries....like a set time to talk to one another each week, how often we'd like to see each other, what our dates will be like....really boils down to communication.
We also need to strive to be very, very clear with each other about everything said. I also need to repeat back what I hear since h's biggest complaint is that I do not listen.
I got mad at MC said how come my h has the balls to get mad at me in my place of business but can't tell me how he feels about our m! how pathetic! MC said that yes he agrees but look at how society has defined maleness...men can't even admit to feelings because it is not manly! Years of being raised to bury feelings makes it doubtly hard for a man to even speak them out loud much less to a wife that will most likely assume the worst when he finally does. My assumptions are killing his desire to be open. My assumptions from h and I's past together, past hurts, childhood...all rearing their heads when ever my h says something mean, anti-marriage, or looks at me funny...especially during something as heated as separation.
MC felt as though laying down some ground rules will help us get the basics out of the way and then we can really get to the heart of the real issue...finding our self-esteem in God not in each other.
Well that's my update....I'm to do nothing until the MC calls h tonight. Pray for us...we need some divine assistance...cause these 2 humans done bungled it up but good!
