Stuck in Holding Pattern

[ben11]

Stay away from her until you can get yourself under control.

Is there truth to these? Have you owned your part?

Can/will/are you able to change?

Definite truth to these yes. I've owned them and am now in the processing of proving them. That was a huge issue for us is I would say I could fix this and worth on that, but she just wouldn't be convinced. Pretty much a common thing in these threads, on spouse wants to be convinced.

I grew up in a house were mom did the housework and dad provided. She did not grow up the same way, so obviously there was a difference in upbringing there but I've expressed that I would work on it. That is part of the reason I've started taking cooking lessons, so that I can help her out there. It's not like I'm a slob, I keep things tidy but not *clean*.

I have always supported her career, but when it started becoming her priority, which she'll admit to, it was hard to be completely on board when it was a major factor of what was pulling us apart. Especially when she met both guys in the EAs through work. However, I would never ask her or want her to quit on her career, and have expressed that many times.

As far not having that best friends connection , I think that had a lot to do with communication and both of our selfishness. When either of us had a problem, we shut down and spent time apart. We're both very independent already and would just become more so when problems arose. It was very common by the end to not do anything on weekends together and just hang out with our own friends. I'd invite her though to my things, but at the end I wasn't really invited to hers.

The other problems I will own, hence why I wrote them, however, I believe the rest are things we need to work on together and through better communication and working at being 'best friends', hopefully we can compromise on those issues.

I feel like we're very close to something good, but things are just going very slowly. I'm totally willing to change, and have already started making great strides. I'm finishing up my degree (finally), starting to cook, eating healthy, etc. Just need to keep going and become who I want to be, and hopefully its someone that she can't live without.