I don't think the clarifying note scared her off 2tp. Why would it? 25 suggested it, and she's pretty insightful. Anyway, it's done now. I hope she'll come around.
kat suggested I send another note. What do y'all think of the following.......
Ex, look...we have two kids that are suffering greatly under the current circumstances. Even though our relationship ended, our responsibility to these two great kids did not. We do not have to be friends, but we do need to be the adults here and behave as parents. The kids can not continue to play us off of each other. We need to agree and set boundaries for their behaviour. It is what any responsible parent would do. That means putting our kids best interests above our own, and finding a way to form an amicable relationship with each other as co-parents. Let's set aside any differences we may have and focus instead on meeting the needs of our kids. Let's not disparage each other to our kids, nor let our kids speak disrespectfully about the other parent. Let's agree on boundaries and behavioral guidelines for raising our kids so that there's consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they're with at any given time. Let's communicate actively with each other about all aspects of our kids development. Let's recognise that kids are prone to testing a situation and manipulating boundaries and guidelines, especially if there's a chance to get something they may not otherwise be able to get. Let's compare notes with each other before jumping to conclusions. Let's focus our efforts on what our kids need most.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.