BF sorry to hijack. Roro if you look at my sitch I have been looking at how I get from A to B. What makes me go from zero to a hundred, how I justify my behavior etc. Admitting is a good thing but it is step one. Purge said earlier that she was violent a few times towards her H. She is aware that it is wrong but was brushed aside fairly quickly. Read above and see if it makes sense. I am not excusing a H for having an A.
What I am saying is that we should focus on what got us here. Once we adders those maybe things will improve quicker.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
yes i have to admit that i have some controlling tendencies. and yes i get angry (who doesn't). but believe me when i say i don't have anger issues and have never been verbally abusive. in fact, i am sort of the opposite. mostly calm, and more of a peacemaker than anything. i do however have trust issues. and that's part of where my controlling traits come into play. i try to control to protect myself (although it obviously hasn't worked all that great for me lol)
i'm no saint! but i would never say that this is my fault (and i know you never said that it was). i recognize my part in the breakdown of this marriage and have tried very hard to become a better person. i've looked within myself, attended counseling, read self help books... all because i love my H.. my children.. and even myself.
so now i am working on letting go and allowing my H to discover himself. i can only hope he does the work. (i can only control myself.. i can only control my choices.. whew!)
rick.. i know you care.. because if you didn't.. it would be so much easier to just disregard and not say anything. so thank you!
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
BF sorry to hijack. Roro if you look at my sitch I have been looking at how I get from A to B. What makes me go from zero to a hundred, how I justify my behavior etc. Admitting is a good thing but it is step one. Purge said earlier that she was violent a few times towards her H. She is aware that it is wrong but was brushed aside fairly quickly. Read above and see if it makes sense. I am not excusing a H for having an A.
What I am saying is that we should focus on what got us here. Once we adders those maybe things will improve quicker.
Ah gotcha rick. I thought that's what you meant, but didn't want to assume.
When I was in IC, my C worked alot with me on why I was so angry and being controlling. She was able to help me see that I wasn't always right (can you believe that? LOL) and didn't have to be in charge of everything all the time.
Rick no more GD challenges. Back off the ladies. I dont have any freaking anger issues. Mind your own business buddy. Who do you think you are, Dr. Phil??
Just kidding. I am working on my anger issues as well. (((Rick)))
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
That ^^^^^^ made me LOL!! Watch out Rick, when you get a bunch of us angry, LBS women together.... SH!T is gonna get real!!
ok, that's out of my system..... in all seriousness, I DO think it is healthy and important for those of us with anger/control issues to take responsibility for it. I have spent a year in therapy to understand and find solutions to mine. I've also had to do a lot of 'giving respect' to my H for putting up with my erratic behavior (verbal abuse, throwing things and going after him with a power drill) for so long, and at this point, I can't say that I wouldn't have reached the end of my rope either. I don't like that he left, but I respect that he thought this is what needed to happen. There's no way I could ever apologize for the things I put him through, and I know I can't convince him that things would ever be dramatically different in only a few months.
We all have our demons that got us to this sitch- some more serious than others. Our job now is to become comfortable with the facts of our past behaviors and vow to ourselves to never become that person again... at the same time, learn to love ourselves again and live in this 'new self', whether or not they come back.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
I see Rick89 is out spreading the good vibes again... And I'm pretty sure he choose to leave the cherub speedo at home this time
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Anger issues? Perhaps my Wife's greatest issue with me. Never really saw it until it was waay too late. Just like y'all - never broke stuff or got physical, but boy was I a sh!t.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
rick - i'm gggggrrreeeatttt! well.. pretty good. thanks for asking! actually.. it was something you said to bklyn on your post that really had me thinking.. it was your comment about being single w/ kids.
obviously given the choice i would prefer to have my M and my kids and live happily ever after but.. if i had to choose between having my M and giving up the kids or being a single mom w/ my 2.. hands down i would pick my babies any day of the week.
if i have to, i am prepared to take on that challenge of raising them to the best of my abilities. one of the things i would really want them to learn is not to be fearful to love. because when you love, it can have such amazing outcomes (like my 2 sweethearts). i also want them to understand that when they are given the gift of love, we have a responsibility to nurture it so that it can thrive. i hope one day, my children know how much i truly love them and that my fighting for my M wasn't just for me.
now i'm teary. ggrreeeaatt! lol
since i don't have my H to share these funny kid stories with.. i am going to share w/ you all! stop reading now if you hate cute kid stories!
S5 so he is doing a lot of.. trying to understand the bigger picture. tonight it was.. "i'm half south african". this is a fact. then he says "that's 'cause dad's south african and he's a part of me". and i say yes that's true. "and you're a part of me too mommy, i came from you". all the while i'm thinking.. please don't ask where babies come from!! then he plops himself down next to me and says "so i can speak african?". this is funny because last week he wanted to learn chinese. when i told him we were not chinese he said.. why not?
now here is my cute story about D2. she likes to stand on the bathroom counter in front of the mirror while she gets dried after her bath. today as she's standing there she says "i miss you". i asked.. what do you miss sweetie? her answer? "mirror" and then gives it a smooch. wow. i know she's gorgeous and all but.. this is beyond vain. lol
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
