Waiting for the tides to change - 2

[Rick1963]

(((Purg)))
I am going to share a bit about me as a WAH. I M very young after getting her pregnant. Things were ok at 1st but she started to show her anger. At times it got violent. So I met my current W and got into an A. I really tried to go back home several times but she kept pushing me away with her outbursts. I made my decision to stay gone after I came to visi one day. As I was leaving she threw a bottle of perfume and busted the winshield of my Toyota Corrolla.

I am not saying that that is You and you have every right to be angry. But You must show him no anger, none. Because he will use that to justify leaving. I can tell you this, that he is struggling with wanting to come home and staying away. So show him that you are content and look your best all of the time when he is around. We are pulling for you

[Rick1963]

Sorry meant to say (((BF))) and Purg.

[BFloat]

ended up crying myself to sleep and saying to God.. i just can’t endure anymore. when will this end??? when i woke up i felt.. calmer. and reading the response to my post and a couple of other sitch reminded me why this is the best, worse place to be. i even laughed at some of the comments!

just wanted to say again.. thank you to everyone. i have been so priviledged to be allowed to share in your journeys and have you share in mine as well. HUGS ALL AROUND!!!

rick89 – the pacific northwest isn’t any warmer! well.. actually.. ok. maybe it is. the first trip will be to Vancouver island. will be in the city checking out museums and such. the second will be to a place called ocean shores in WA. i’m really looking forward to that one as i’ve never been!

ces67 – i did see your post last week and thought.. what the heck?? who does that?? oh yes.. the WASs. the poss. OW and i are complete night and day. i’ve met her. back in the day, H use to say she had man hands and that he had trouble thinking of her as a woman because she was such a “guy”. one thing i know she will never be.. is the mother of these two beautiful (albeit naughty) children!

purg – rick’s right.. that’s gross. haha

111 – (((( )))) how about we call that trip the rediscovering 111 trip instead?

rick1963 – your comments gave me a lot to think about. thank you! i am actually quite a calm person but when i get pushed over the edge….. good thing it doesn’t happen often.

my initial reaction was to contact H and make a comment. but after having slept on it i have decided not to do anything. because what will that do except bring up more resentment from H? maybe it's something.. but it could also be nothing.. and bringing may make me feel worse.

H is planning on staying here while the kids and i are away.. taking a break from his friend's couch.. i wanted to confront again and say.. i don't want "visitors" but again, what will having that talk prove? that i am still blaming and have zero trust in him. in the end, if he chooses to make a poor decision, it's H that has to live with that fact. and it will be the kids he will one day have to explain it to, not me.

i need a GAL tonight. another chick flick? something small.. like paint my nails! also going to buy myself a guitar from ebay. i know a little (from learning in school) but i would love to actually be able to play a full on song!

[purgatory]

Ok, so it might have been really gross- I admit that. BUT it does help me to think of her as something gross instead of a pretty, fun and opposite of me OW.

Rick1963 had a great perspective on the WAH and anger... I know for me, I dealt with my post-partum depression and it was ALL anger and aggression. I only got violent a few times, but that's a few times TOO MANY.

BF- I'm glad that you were never as angry as I was- and I totally understand getting pushed to the limit. I have discovered that I DO need a way to release all the adrenaline that builds up when I get really frustrated, so I've started taking a hammer to a spare piece of 2x4 in the garage. Maybe one day I'll stain it to really showcase the dents and hang it as wall art.... only I will know it's true reason for creation!

Glad you have decided not to confront H. It's better for your mental health, and doesn't give him any reason to call you a 'crazy person'. Besides, I'm sure he would find some way of twisting it around onto you (because you know the WAS can't ever take responsibility for their own actions/ sarcasm.) This is hardest part: doing what you logically know is the right thing, but feels opposite of your instincts.

You are doing an awesome job with yourself and the kids!! Learning Guitar will be so much fun! And it will be great for you to play while your kids dance and sing.
Have fun tonight

[BklynMom]

Better you dont confront him. Let his guilt be his own punishment. He knows the truth

[RoRoinMD]

Better you dont confront him. Let his guilt be his own punishment. He knows the truth

I agree! I'm going to add this to my list of mantras.

[Rick1963]

Ladies I am going to say something that may not be popular. But the ladies don't get challenged in here enough. My tought is that the boys feel uncomfortable because we got here for being critical verbally abusive controlling etc. So my thought is that man in here do not challenge females because we do not want to be viewed as the man that got themselves here. Makes sense?

I think that many ladies got here because they acted similarly to how some of the guys did? Am I on to something?

I trully believe that if you are honest and look at your own anger issues things might improve sooner. Just a provacative thought because I care

[BFloat]

I am trying very hard not to have negative thoughts consume me but it is so difficult!!! The thing is, whether I know or not.. It doesn't change the situation so why does it matter? By confronting.. Do I expect him to instantly feel remorse and come home and everything will be better? Of course not! He would get defensive.. I end up being the crazy b and feels more justified that he made the right choice.

I emailed him back saying it was fine that he stay here while we're gone and that I just wanted to know whether I needed our neightbour to check up on our place. I did backslide though. I asked if he could please move the bike that didn't belong to us this weekend. I didn't want it here any longer (I have asked in the past and I feel very disrespected everytime I saw it). I guess I'll wait to see what he says.

S is really starting to get over emotional with everything. He bursts into tears about every little thing. Driving me crazy but I know he's having a hard time. Poor little pumpkin.

Have to admit.. Having a hard time staying detached tonight and finding to desire to continue. Just want to let him have it! H not S. Lol

someone needs to come up w/ a website where I could upload a pic of myself and one of H and have the characters duke it out. Like a street fighter character where I could make round houses and upper cuts.

[RoRoinMD]

Ladies I am going to say something that may not be popular. But the ladies don't get challenged in here enough. My tought is that the boys feel uncomfortable because we got here for being critical verbally abusive controlling etc. So my thought is that man in here do not challenge females because we do not want to be viewed as the man that got themselves here. Makes sense?

I think that many ladies got here because they acted similarly to how some of the guys did? Am I on to something?

I trully believe that if you are honest and look at your own anger issues things might improve sooner. Just a provacative thought because I care

Sorry to hijack...

I don't know about not being challenged enough, but I know I had (have) anger issues. I know some of the ladies have admitted to being controlling or verbally abusive (guilty as charged) in their threads.

Can you give an example of the kind of feedback/comments you are referring to?

[BklynMom]

"Like a street fighter character where I could make round houses and upper cuts."

I am sure they have more advanced games these days then Street Fighter but I am from the same era so I appreciate the reference.

Dont give him the satisfaction he is looking for by freaking out on him. Trust me I get it but dont let him say to himself "see what a crazy b my wife is" Kill him with kindness.

It is so sad when the little ones cry. I just hope they cry in front of their Daddy too. The following is so wrong but... Tonight when D3 was crying for Daddy "I want my Daddy" I said "tomorrow when Daddy puts you to bed you tell him you want him at home" I told her 3 or 4 times when she cried for him to tell him she wants him at our home. (Dont tell anyone. And I will totally deny it later.)

I was on Vancouver Island in the summer of 2001 with an ex-boyfriend. It was amazing, although they did break into my car which apparently was guaranteed since I had NY Plates. Amazing place, you girls are making me want to do a road trip.

I knocked down....