You are absolutely right you did marry a fake person. You married the person your husband had chosen to be to deal with his childhood hurts. He probably split off the really painful stuff, things done to him or not done for him, and the stuff he did to and put that in a distant place, trying not to remember but you cannot of course ever forget.
4 years ago, without any real understanding of this, when I got the bomb something made me say 'xxxxx when did you decide to become who you are now?'
2 weeks ago she had some very tough love from my son, who told her some pretty hard hitting truths about her behaviour. I think she now for the first time sees her accountability. He let her know she is not the victim as far as her family is concerned. He showed her how she hurt him and it sunk home. He is more of a man than I will ever be.
My W is moving through her crisis, I think in the last few days she is attempting a form of reconnection. The person I see now is not the aloof fiercely independent 'f... You I don't need anybody' of old but someone looking more vulnerable. More humble? More human with human frailties And more appealing. Why? I don't know but perhaps if she is in touch with her feelings for the first time she may actually be in touch with some of mine.
I honestly believe she has suffered more hurt in her life than one person deserves, no matter what she has done to me. I must stay detached and accept whatever she decides. I think I have achieved true detachment for the very first time. I know I love her and it is true if you love them you must let them go.
Hearts Blessing is right MLC is a parallel journey I have learnt many many lessons about life and about me. If we do not reconnect, I know if there is a next time with someone else it will be better thanks to my W and the lessons she made me learn!
