My Sitch/any better ideas than going dark?

[Broken74]

Thanks Barely! I appreciate you taking the time to write, I definitely do need some butt kicking ;-). One of the things I'm working on is my communication skills. I think the things I write sometimes come off the wrong way, as I know many of the things I say do. You are spot on with some of your points.

You know, I didn't even think of your perspective on how she could have taken that picture, that probably is why she got so ticked. My interpretation was that it was me looking at any couple celebrating valentines day while I was dealing with what used to be a very special day for us alone. If she interpreted in the way you said I can see I guess why she got upset. Things were going well so I certainly wasn't trying to mess things up, yet I knew at best it would get a neutral reaction. I am very prolific at screwing up when things are going good and I certainly did so here. I wasn't trying to imply she was in the wrong/bad person but now that you say this I see how she could have taken it that way :-(.

Point taken on the other woman, I am in a holding pattern on this for now. She knows my situation in total so this certainly would be something low key at best since I am only legally separated not yet divorced.

My drinking was always a bad choice. I had a DUI conviction the day I graduated from college and had to get out of another. So drinking certainly has been a problem for me. I never said anything abusive to her when I wasn't ridiculously drunk. This is not an excuse, there is no excuse for the things I said to her. The bottom line is they were in my mind and the alcohol would let them slip, it doesn't change the fact that I was harboring resentment because of the situation.

I should have worded my last paragraph better, I agree this is nothing about winning. I love my wife and stepchildren, that is why I did the things for our family. The bottom line is that as a stepfather, I never really had time to get it. But as far as "stuff" was concerned I was always going over the top. As far as my time and attention not so much. I guess that's because I never really fully opened up to them. And I guess I'm resentful now because after all of the "things" I did do, I got every ounce of debt, a house to deal with selling, and basically no material possessions. She basically took everything of value and walked away, and moved into a rental house that I put a deposit on, because her actions led me to believe we would eventually have a chance. On so many levels that simply is not the right way to treat somebody. And this is AFTER her and the OM had conversations about getting me out of the house that I built for us before things went out of control...

Thanks for the kind words too, I can use a lot of those right now. I hope it is implied in my going dark that in her mind I am moving on.

I think I am finally at that point where I pretty much have given up hope. It [censored] but I think that is the only way that I am truly going to be able to detach, to carry on like she and my stepchildren are gone. The more that I think about it the more it seems like maybe I was just a stepping stone for her, until the good Dr. came along. My attorney referred to him as Dr. Love. I was going to persue alienation of affection but basically rolled over on the separation agreement to try and make things better between us. So it's never been about the money or materialistic things to me. I decided to walk away with nothing to make life easier for a single mother of three. In my heart I just never thought that it would actually be permanent in respect to me. I am really starting to think in my heart it is over, regardless of what I do. Maybe that's for the best for me. She is most certainly a fool for leaving me. I hope in the long run she is happy with her decision making, only time will tell.

Thanks again Barely, God Bless :-)