I just read your post and I see family "unfinished business"/patterns as well. My mother is majorly passive agressive. X and my mom hated each other (too much alike?). X had relatives that provided financial support, a role I filled until funds exhausted and OMH now fills.
I've decided next time she sits by me instead of her husband in a waiting room I'm gonna get up and go sit by her husband.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
