I have seen a lot of great info on here. Been lurking quite a bit. I found DR within 2 days of the bomb. Started working on me right then. Realized i was doing all the wrong things. I'm doing much better on me now.
I did screw up major 10 days ago. I was seeing improvments. But I had to go make things worse. I was snooping for an affair because the all knowing internet said all the signs are there. Well I found evidence. Nothing concrete but lies and fishy behaviors. She rode 4hrs to a 2 day meeting with a male coworker. Lied to me and told me she drove there herself. Well my demons got the best of me and I confronted her. I had to drag it out of her but she told me yes she did and in fact drove an hour out of the way to meet him at a hotel parking lot no less. A hotel in which she stayed at the night she got back from her meeting and he dropped her off. However the reciept was in his name. He and his wife live in this town. Anyway she said he is just a nice guy, she didn't want to drive, and nothing is going on. I'm crazy and she is done, DONE.
I call her a liar and pack my stuff. She stops me, thank GOD. I stay and now here I am. I have done nothing to get off DB program since but not seeing improvments. She is cold and has taken off her ring. We only talk about S and work.
She did call me during the middle of the day a couple days ago to tell me some exciting news at work. Someone under her stealing stuff and she found the evidence. She was very excited and I just listened. It was nice.
So I know I have screwed up and how that behavior sets you back. lesson learned. I have stopped snooping. It only hurts me. No need to torment myself. She left Mon for meeting and be back Fri night. I call her in a.m. so S can say good morning. She calls right at bed time to tell S good night. That has been the extent of it this week. S always says here you wanna talk to dad. S we talk for just a second. I say have a nice day or whatever in my upbeat voice . She says ok in her depressed one.
I had a great interview today. Didn't tell her about it although I wanted to call her so bad. Should know by Mon if I got the job.
Been working out and feeling better about myself. Getting the guns and abs back in working order. Havn't been eating much or sleeping either. Depression I know. Doing my best to snap out of it.
I have been very thankful for what I do have lately. My eyes are open now. That feels great. To be aware.
She has not said that she wants a divorce. We still live together. These are good things. I need to get ahead of this thing. Start being the man I used to be. I am well on my way.
