He is highly successful in his job. Maybe the P/A stuff works well in government budget planning?
My opinion is that the PA probably is not PA all the time, it maybe that is just the target they choose differs. Some may be okay in relationships but PA at work and vice-versa.
My wife is a very intelligent woman who now sets out almost to 'over-achieve' after under-achieving at school. I don''t think she is PA at work. I was the target.
These are the lessons I have learned recently: All of this starts in childhood, not just for her but for me. We marry someone who most closely resembles our least emotionally available parent. We seem to do this to complete 'unfinished' business. I married my father. The things I admired in him were his lack of anger, his practicality, basically his PA side. I am half the problem I have enabled a playing out of the dynamic of my parents relationship, cool father angry emotional mother, Sound familiar? My W has done the same and induced the anger in me that her father displayed, possibly the only emotion she saw in him as a child.
As a bit of a distraction look at both your families of origin and see if there are any similarities between those relationships and yours. Wht attracted tou to your H. Was it something you saw in either parent?
The PA is great at externalizing everything. They will sit on the fence and never make a decision. That way when it all goes wrong they can play the innocent victim.
Consider making it clear that he is accountable, these are his choices and decisions and point out the past and future consequences of his decisions.
Have you read; Love Must Be Tough: New Hope For Marriages in Crisis by Dr Jamed Dobson ? A different take on things.
I sense you really have had enough and you know you are not doing yourself any good so:
Have you tried a big 180, tough love let him know his behavior is totally unacceptable on any level and he will lose you. He must now make a permanent choice. Not in line with mainstream DB/MLC but he is obviously clinging on to you as his safety net.
He will most likely say he chooses OW just to hurt you but it is most probably not what he wants,. Fine he has made a choice and must now suffer the consequences, Point those out in no uncertain terms. Be resolute do not allow him to play the victim this is his decision and all consequences are the result of his actions.
