Well, I'm not sure I have answers, but I have lots of thoughts.
First of all, he's showing emotion. As one person told me, when you don't care, you don't show emotion. So emotion is good in some way, even if it's anger. He does care, the question is will he change.
Second, I think we're seeing signs of a controller. When your H gets what he wants, everything is good. Otherwise, he gets angry or punishes you. I'm not sure how to handle such a person, but maybe someone else has some thoughts.
Third, I think you should stay the course. It may be rocky at first because he has to deal with the fact that the rules have changed. My reasoning - being close to him didn't help, so you have to try something different.
What was y'alls relationship like just before the divorce hearing when he asked for an extension? Where you always around for him, or were you distant and on your own? Think about the time before that hearing, because what you were doing then appears to have had an effect.
