Just as soon as I decide, to move on with my life without her guess who comes knocking? Yep you guessed it the ex. She just had to tell me that she loved me and said that the new guy told her it wasn’t a good time for him. She didn’t tell me about new guy until we had talked for a while. It’s amazing how when you truly think you don’t want a person in your life any longer, they show up and want to talk. All those other times I tried to DB I was a wreck and last night it just came naturally. Why is that? Why did I even bother DBing if I already had my mind set? I pretty much just told her that, I decided that we should both just chase our dreams and find another person to be happy with.
This is going to be some of what was said.
I broke her heart when I didn’t give her a third child. The first time we discussed this I was going to be 39 before we could even get pregnant. I was scared I was getting to old and didn’t want to go to my child’s graduation in a walker. That probably was selfish, on the other hand, I had two daughters and really wanted a chance at a boy to carry on my family name. I can’t remember ever telling her that. She thought that the only reason when we first discussed it was because, I was being selfish and wanted all of her attention instead of lettingher give it to a baby. That is the first time I had ever heard that one. I never once thought like that. She cried for two hours over this. I told her that when she found out about the cancer it just deflated me as a man. I knew then that having another child was never going to happen and I carry that guilt every day. She said now that we have the granddaughter, that she is feeling better about this and just wants to love her as much as possible.
She told me she loved me several times in all of this and then asked me to tell her that I loved her. I told her that I wasn’t sure if I felt comfortable, telling her that I loved her anymore. That is the truth and eventually I did tell her that I loved her. I think because I could see the pain in her eyes that I started to soften. Probably not the best move in this situation, it is what it is and deep down I do still love this woman. She is the mother of our kids and she is a dang good mom when she is firing on all cylinders.
She knows about the woman I tried dating when I was a lost soul. She knew her name and everything. I don’t have a clue how she knows all of that. She asked me how many people I have been with since we split and I told her that I was not comfortable talking about any of that at this point. It was just the one but it just didn't feel right talking about that. She gave up that she has only been with the OM and I didn’t ask for that information. I told her that I didn’t really want to talk about any of this. I said I am just not ready. She said she understood but wanted to know if I had told anyone that I loved them. I told her that I have not told anyone, other than my sister and the girls.
She brought up again how much she hated that I know her so well. I told her that I had been with her half her life and a person usually learns everything about another in that amount of time.
She talked briefly about us getting back together. I did NOT commit either way. I wasn’t going to set myself up for rejection. She told me several times that all our kids want is us back together. I agreed.
She talked about several great times we have had in the past. It was all fact and none of it was rewritten and just how I remembered them.
She texted me when she got home and said thanks again and we will talk more.
Just when I thought I was done maybe I need to think things through again. You couldn’t even make this stuff up if you tried. To be honest, I think she wanted me to end her new R with new guy and when I didn’t, I think she did. Maybe not but that is what I have thought for over a week. I have found out that when you know someone, you can read what they are telling you even if the words don't actually come out of their mouth.
I am going to answer this question before it is even asked. I would only take her back, if she made a solid commitment and worked slowly at starting a new relationship. i am talking the real work counciling and going very slow. I got the feeling she wants it how it was. We are two different people now and I refuse to put my kids through anything like this again.
I don’t have any false hope and I can walk away and feel good about myself at anytime. I also feel stronger than I have for a long time.
I would like some guidance or 2x4’s or just about anything right now. I refuse to set myself up for a big gotcha moment.
Thanks!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
