I agree with Wiley, you have plans on Sunday after H comes to pick up the kids...right?
The movies, get a pedicure (fun to do any time of year!), take a drive ANYTHING but hangin out with H.
Be that happy, fun, good lookin gal that you are as you skip out the door!
One other thought I had as I read your thread... Remember to look for the important things. Don't focus on the "needs improvement" parts of H. There is a saying that says, "What you see depends mainly on what you look for." If you want to see good, look for it!!
Well h didn't show up to pick up his sons for visitation. Oh, well it's his loss. Since he missed this one he won't get them for another 2 weeks. Too bad....I'm out for the rest of the day being busy.
Right after going off line my h called wanting kids. So agreed to meet him in town in half and hour. Then my renter says he'll meet me at the same place in half an hour too.
So when h drove up he saw me talking to a good looking guy in a really nice pick up. H didn't say anything didn't ask just sat in his car while om drove away. (The om is actually my renter just paying me his rent....but I'm sure h asked kids who og was.)
H sat in car didn't make any conversation or attempt to talk to me. Nor did I talk to him. Got kids in car and h drove away.
It's so hard to want someone that very obviously doesn't want you. H tried to say that he just got home at 10am this morning...I didn't ask though I was tempted to say "out all night?"...but I'm sure it was only to get groceries early this morning.
Oh, well...h changes his mind quite frequently...who knows after h saw me with this og maybe he'll start thinking about what it will be like for me to have another man in my life as well as another father for his sons. Let h think about that!
Should I put myself in possible financial jeopardy by dropping the suit for d? This would leave my h in his apartment, going out, not getting visitation, not paying child support until the end of this year. While I'd be caring for the boys in my parents home.
CIndy, Under no circumstances should you put yourself in financial jepardy!
Is there a purpose to dropping the suit for D? What couldyou gain from it? So you think it would suddenly change H's mind about everything? I think not.
You don't have to proceed do you? When you don't know what to do, do nothing.
You've been incredibly strong this past week. I know how frightening this is and how your afraid you'll lose H, but do you have him now?
How can you lose something you don't have. He has to come to you out of his own free will or it won't mean a thing.
Pursuing him will give you that fleeting "fix" your looking for, but it won't change a thing except to let H know he has you right where he wants you.
Don't let him know how you feel anymore. Be mysterious. Get a life outside of your H. If he comes home-great! If he doesn't, then your ahead of the game for yourself.
Cindy - there are always pros and cons to any question - What I, or anyone else might suggest would be tainted by how it would fit into our sitch. Look closely at what might happen if you did one thing then look closely at what might happen if you did the other. I can understand your dilemma in that it is not an easy decision. While I told someone else on the board that in some cases there might not be a right and a wrong decision to a question but rather there might be two right answers. Well in some cases there might be no right answer but rather just the lesser of two evils. Good luck in working through your decision. I do believe that either way you decide, you will be ok. I sense you are someone that can deal with either result.
You are right...dropping the d may not change h's mind. But since he continues to maintain that this is MY d...if I drop the d, h would have to refile. Or not refile. Then I would KNOW if he really wants the d by his actions once I drop the suit for d.
As for financial jeopardy, I'd most likely loose the house but then everything would become community property again and be split 50/50 so I could come after his retirement, current account, his new car, etc...should he choose to refile. Not to mention the equity in the house...that would be split 50/50 (right now I get all of it).
One other thought on dropping the D. What if he does nothing? I'm guessing he won't make an effort to rebuild the marriage, but won't bother to get a D either. Unless he gets a benefit, I think he's happy with the way things are right now.
Now, I'm not saying this is a bad thing, just something you should be prepared for. If you're ok with remaining separated, it gives you time to DB.
Cindy, Odga is right. Weigh the pros and cons. Write them down and then make an educated dicision. DON'T go by what you think is best for HIM. Go by what you think is best for you in the long run.
Don't be afraid of losing him.
If he wants you he'll come back no matter what you do. Take care of you. You've not been his first priority, so don't do what you think is best for him.
Your a smart girl, you'll figure it out. You still have the option to do nothing too. Rachael
Sounds like you had a pretty good weekend all things considered..Of all the replies to your thread I've read since friday, Racheal's advice to you really hits the bullseye..
Quote: If he wants you he'll come back no matter what you do....he has to come to you out of free will or it won't mean a thing
She's got that right!
Quote: Don't be afraid of losing him.
Truer words have never been "threaded"...LOL.
When you get to the point where you just quit worrying about whether you're pushing him away or whatever, and start living as if he's not coming back, you automatically improve your chances of drawing him back towards you.
The more he seems to not "want" you or the M, or whatever, the more you try and think of ways to stem the tide, and that of course will prove fruitless, as you've seen so far. We can't force someone to come back and commit to something they feel wouldn't be happy in, it just can't be done. So, you just give in and move on, no expectations, no pressure, and see what happens.
