Suddenly Separated in VA -- need your help

[mimivac]

So, MC was actually really good yesterday. We cleared up some misunderstandings and defined some of our therapy goals. Whenever H has been curt and short with me, I've been thinking that he's angrily affirming his desire to be apart. It turns out that he's actually feeling guilty and afraid of my reaction, which translates into the shortness I'm perceiving as anger and surliness. That was good to know.

I also got some validation from our therapist that I'm a very independent person, which I think comes as a relief to H, since his most feared quality in a mate is neediness. Unlike the last session, when I could barely keep the tears at bay, this time we had a productive conversation and I was calm and confident. When the subject of my cancer diagnosis came up, H cried (he usually does when this is mentioned) and I realized how much he still cares.

H clarified that his goals in therapy are to tease out whether the problems in our marriage are things that can be worked on and fixed or whether they are too fundamental to repair and we will need to permanently separate. This was actually positive news because I have never heard him outline it so clearly, nor has he ever seemed to recognize that the problems may be fixable. He's always said, "it can't be fixed." So the fact that he even acknowledges that we could solve our problems and remain married is a huge step, IMO.

After the session he kissed me and then dropped me off at a metro to head home. I had a nice night by myself, eating my homemade steak with mushroom puree and relaxing in my comfortable home. Today will be pretty low-key. It's a rainy day, which I love for brewing a hot cup to tea and curling up with a good book. I just downloaded a book on how to be happy and thrive while living alone, so I will dig into that tonight. Tomorrow, I work at home and then will head to the city for my weekly cultural activity.

Hope everyone is doing great today. Ad, I am thinking about your questions above and will post about them when I have some insight. Thanks for posing them.

Mimi