I thought doing it up for Valentine's day would give a boost to whatever was going well,
Didn't "thinking"...... get you here ?
Originally Posted By: 74
I still don't get why she got so spun up about it, unless it makes her feel really bad/guilty.
Maybe it's not for you to get ???
Originally Posted By: 74
She mentioned that I was immature and that I have been for the six months since we separated because of my reaction after uncovering the EA she was having. Based on things that she said Friday and Monday, I can tell she is struggling with guilt based on what she did, as she was comparing her actions to what I did when we were dating and saying she "owed me more than one" trying to downplay the significance of the EA.
How bad did that sting ???
How bad did the back of your neck burn when she said that ???
That anger that welled up inside of you, was that directed toward her throughout the marriage ? Or did you get angry with yourself because it was true ????
Originally Posted By: 74
She added again that she is not considering or thinking about divorce and will not be in a hurry to do so in August or otherwise. ---------------------------------------------------------------- If we don't have a plan in place by August then chances are I'll end up doing the filing, because I refuse to go through any more than another 6 months of this living hell.
Anytime you place a timeline on affairs of the heart, you are looking for an excuse for that to fail. And it would be too easy to come here, proclaim your reliance to the process, admittedly go against the process, and then say....I tried everything.
Anything worth doing, is worth doing 100% ..Or you may never know what the real outcome would be.
Assuming what the future will hold, is a waste of time. Nobody can predict that. Placing a timeline on this process, would certainly allow you to work towards what is next, instead of what is in front of you.
Me thinks you are setting this \/ \/ \/ \/ up.....
Originally Posted By: 74
Regarding my new friend, my W certainly seems to not have a problem dating other people. My new friend is in graduate school, no kids, stable, a number of things honestly my W is not. I have been working on myself, and without question I will be successful in my next relationship, be it with my W or without her.
This isn't a "tit for tat" thing here.
Words and actions here....You have said that you are here trying to save your marriage...right ?
What are your actions with her saying ?
And don't think I am judging you. It really isn't my place to talk you into, or out of being, or trying to stay married.
I am merely trying to help support what you said your choice was.
You say you have worked on yourself, and I believe you have identified the problems, yet I fail to see address the reason for the problems....
You say that you drank and became verbally abusive...Okay, I get that....
But.
WHY did you drink, and why did you become that way ????
Seeing the problems, and seeing the cause of the problems are way different. And until you kill the root, the weed will keep sprouting.
