Sorry to hear about your fall and back problems - hope you are not in too much pain now.
I am also glad to hear that your V Day went well and you enjoyed having your kids with you.
Tomorrow is another day and we have the choice to make it a great one as well!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
thank you everyone! i had an awesome night.. all by myself. i ended up watching "never been kissed" because it cracks me up to watch drew barrymore going back to highschool trying to fit in. i ate yummy chocolate strawberries.. and now i have even darker, lushes locks! lol
so today was interesting. yesterday when H and i exchanged some txts (because he took S to school) i mentioned i had dr's appt for today. he asked what time and i said 920. then he said.. see you there because i have an appt at 910!
went to the dr's after dropping off S. H was not in waiting room. obviously was in for his appt as it was already 910. when he came out, D was so happy to see him. and of course he sat with her while i went in for my appt. afterwards, he asked if we were going for breakfast (b/c D was asking for hashbrowns). i said maybe. then he asked if i wanted to go have coffee and breakfast.
we ended up at McD's because they have a play area and the hashbrowns D likes. i know he was so happy to have that time to play w/ her and all. H mentioned that the person he is staying w/ will be leaving soon for NZ. i didn't want to pry and ask what he was planning on doing afterwards (since he has been sleeping on their couch). H also made a funny comment about going back to sleep in his sleeping bag. i didn't know what to say so i said "at least it's warm" (because today was cold again!). hahaha.. i could have said.. oh so sad.. poor you.. you left your family and nice home and now you have to sleep in a sleeping bag... :P but i refrained.
anyway, it was nice. what's different from before is that he seemed happy to be there. obviously because he misses the kids but.. i'm glad he's appreciating the moments with them and hopefully realizing how much they miss him too. also, the way he looks at me is different. more vulnerable rather than the defensive, bored, "shark eyes". eh. tomorrow is another day. i'm not dwelling. i made first move to leave saying D and i were going to run errands before picking up S from school. we did share a laugh at one of the photos H took of D. she seriously looks possessed. it's hilarious.
making plans for the weekend! GAL and detaching.. really is the only way to go. it's keeping me sane!!
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
I was loading music onto iPod to prepare for spring break. H keeps a backup of his iPhone pics on computer. I looked through them because it was a lot of pics of the kids when they were younger. So.. Imagine my surprise at finding 3 pics of his "friend" that had moved away around bomb drop time. I have always been suspicious of this friendship. Photos that she obviously took of herself and sent to him. Photos of her at work and a close up.
That j$rk off never had 1 photo of me on his phone and he has 3 of her!! He must think I'm st%pid!! I really want to punch his lights out right now. What kind of man leaves his wife and kids like that??
Argh! So want to be detached and not care about this but right now.. I obviously can't. And when I take the kids away for spring break is he planning on staying here? Because I want to make it clear that I don't want "visitors"!!! I am really choked right now. How do I draw my boundaries without just losing it???
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Bfloat.....I think this is why we have to totally let our spouse go...because they will never get it otherwise...amd we will never move forward otherwise. If we don't we keep standing in the middle of the highway getting run over by WAS and OM/OW trucks. F that...you have a right to be pissed. I guess the right things for us is the hardest thing...move on. It's our hope for a reconciliation that keeps pulling us back into the line of fire. The only times I ever hear of a WAS spouse coming back is when the LBS has moved on. Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I see.
Where r u going for spring break?
Hope you have a great week! I'll be here in nice cold New England.
BF - You have every right to be worked up! Hope you work through it quickly. Its good to know how you feel and why. But its also good to move on and not allow yourelf to stay there. I'll throw out my favorite Teddy Roosevelt quote.."If you find yourself going through Hell, keep going."
Not sure if you saw my post last week, but W actually put picture of the OM she was attracted to in a photo collage that is now hanging in our H. Pi$$ed me off royally.
What helped me most was figuring out how to detach. This OM and your OW is not your competition. At best, this OW, is a cheap distraction for your H to avoid dealing with his real issues. Whatever is attractive about this OW is an illusion of what your H thinks will make him happy---and it won't.
I hate for you that you're caught in the crossfire of your H's lack of ability to deal with things. Take care of you and I hope you can detach so you are not trapped by your H's issues.
Rick makes a great point about moving on (trying to follow that advice myself). Let yourself feel the anger. That's the best way to deal with it. And you can deal with it when you're ready. (((BF))))
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
I'm so sorry you discovered those photos. I can totally understand wanting to yell and scream (maybe even slash tires?)
We all handle the discovery of OW/OM differently..... But in the end, the only thing we *can* do is to turn the other cheek. I like to think of mine as a pimple on my marriage: ugly, painful and full of nastiness. When you pick at them, they only get worse, but leave them alone- and they go away on their own. (and it kinda gives me a giggle to visualize her head as a puss-filled, red irritation... Can't wait for it to pop!!)
Ces has some great advice about how they are a 'cheap distration'. ((((BF))))
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Argh! So want to be detached and not care about this but right now.. I obviously can't. And when I take the kids away for spring break is he planning on staying here? Because I want to make it clear that I don't want "visitors"!!! I am really choked right now. How do I draw my boundaries without just losing it???
((((((BF)))))))))
You're not the only one thinking that way. When I go on P's and my wedding trip *alone*, I am SURE P will bring home various strangers to the house. They will be petting my cats and have access to my stuff.
I know this is weird but I am seriously comtemplateing putting everything that is mine that the women he brings home may touch. IE: my shampoos and soaps, all the spare bedroom which I will be occupying. He also would be the type to lend them my snowshoes and sh*t so I will hide those away too.
Honestly, I won't even trust sitting on the couch after leaving him alone there for ten days. Yuck.
I like to think of mine as a pimple on my marriage: ugly, painful and full of nastiness. When you pick at them, they only get worse, but leave them alone- and they go away on their own. (and it kinda gives me a giggle to visualize her head as a puss-filled, red irritation... Can't wait for it to pop!!)
Purg - I admire your creativity but wow this is gross!
