Sorry about the latest BK. You said you were giving yourself till May so try not to look at this impending paperwork as the end all be all. Go read the success stories on the boards and see how many sitch's were busted in the 11th hour.
These papers and this current mind-state of your H as well as yourself is not going to define you and where you may be two months from now.
Thanks everyone. My girls will be home in a hour and that will really help cheer me up. I guess I am just confused why he did this. I have been so generous and loving towards him, having him over Christmas morning. I have really been gentle to someone that has ripped my family in half.
Should I tell him that we will not be in the apartment Sunday he should come collect his things??
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
That is up to you BK but having read your sitch since the beginning I recall you having thoughts of contacting your H and telling him to come get his stuff and get the F out a few times.
It seems that you felt like doing this when you were angry and frustrated. Is that where you currently are emotionally?
I would suggest giving yourself a few days and try to make sure you are making that decision from a place of peace.
Thanks everyone. My girls will be home in a hour and that will really help cheer me up. I guess I am just confused why he did this. I have been so generous and loving towards him, having him over Christmas morning. I have really been gentle to someone that has ripped my family in half.
Should I tell him that we will not be in the apartment Sunday he should come collect his things??
You're absolutely right! You have been generous and loving. What was your motivation for doing these things? My guess, from reading all your posts, is because this is the person you are and want to be. I hope you can feel some pride in your ability to be strong in the face of such pain. This is unconditional love in action and it ain't easy!
What do you want to accomplish by having him collect his things? If this will help you detach and continuing being a better "BM" then absolutely. You have every right to tell him this. Even if you decide not to do this, can you put his things away somewhere where they are out of sight and out of mind?
Wish I had answers for you but you are very capable in finding your own answers. Hope you have a fun day with the girls!
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
I used to love to sing my boys, You Are My Sunshine, because they were. Hope your girls bring you sunshine today.
This is my favorite song to sing to my S!
(((Bklyn))) So sorry that you're going through this!
Did your H say what kind of papers? Don't talk to him or do anything until you get to review the "papers" and think about them. If he tries to contact you, tell him you need time to review it.
I like the idea of telling him that he can't enter into your apartment when he comes to get or drop off the girls.
I also can't understand how your H can use your father as his lawyer. He promised to love you and take care of you - your daddy's girl. Doesn't he have any kind of conscience? He can look into your father's eyes and say "Yep, I screwed up. I failed at taking care of your daughter. I'm walking away from her and from our kids." Sorry, but I feel like we have to answer to our parents/in-laws in some way. He should feel ashamed of what he's doing.
I know how much pain you are in. You are allowed to feel it and don't feel like you have to justify that to anyone.
That said, they are "just papers". It sounds like your H needs something strong to push him one way or another. You said that he hasn't shown any kind of progress since last summer. Maybe he needs to take a little bite of reality.
All is not lost. Don't give up all hope. Do as dark as you can, while allowing him to interact with your D's. Hang in there!
I want him to get his stuff out cause I live in a fairly small apartment and it would be nice to have more room. Especially more closet space.
My father is my lawyer and my main consultant. He is up on DBing and believes my husband has had a breakdown of some kind. My father who once did many divorces has never seen someone before as rash as my H, where one day he was referring to me a daughters as his 3 girls to the next day saying its over. H has never opened up a little to give me a chance to change.
My father who wants to kill my H has encouraged me to take the higher road and stick with the DB principles.
Guess I will wait and see what these papers are.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
So the papers came. It was an email with a letter attached from his lawyer asking for a formal separation agreement/ settlement. It was a vague document saying we would divide assets 50/50 but didn't list specific accounts. It said we would have joint custosdy which h and I would negoiate job by jon since we both work freelance. I would get custody support and alimony for 2 years and after 2 years we would look at the alimony again. My dad and I are drafting a response I will post it here.
Subway going under ground now, gotta run
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
