What is the opposite of a friendly divorce? Despite the immense lies and attacks my wife has done to get the court's sympathy and ultimately custody, my kids just want us both to be friends. They know she hurt me, they know she lies. But those kids are 1/2 her. They will always have some degree of attachment.
Imagine yourselves enemies/cold and distant. What does that tell your kids about friendships and love? Putting them first is very hard. Many times I've wanted to show them her affidavits, like the one where she suggested that I was touching my own daughters! They would turn against her so much, so fast. But, what would that do to their ability to trust? To love? Would they possibly hate me for hurting them, even if it was because of her?
It is hard to take the high road. I didn't want to be divorced, and it sounds like you didn't either. My wife has made it impossible for me to trust her. Your wife wants to protect the love and the man she had, even if she doesn't want to be with you. That shows a lot of good character in her. Can you show the character to accept that knowing she doesn't want to hold you as she used to? Can you do that for your three kids?
Time. Doesn't erase wounds, but allows us to be grateful for what we had and mostly what we have.
