Tad's Overdue Update

[AJM]

Tad. Good to hear from you. Would love to hear from you on the alt as well as I don't get here very often these days. Been busy..

Glad to see you are moving forward. You're a good hearted man Tad, from what I see. Not perfect certainly, but good hearted.

Your wife is gone. Way gone, brother.

What you may have noticed by now is that although she left you, you still have to leave her. Why? Because she isn't the woman you married. At all. Not even close. Because she will continue to influence your highs and lows if you do not. She will drain the life right out of you. Trust me on that. I could tell you stories...

She treats you like dirt. She is passive-aggressive about it. She doesn't deserve to be allowed to treat you like that. Nobody does. They will if you let them though. For no other reason than they can. They will fill in the reasons why they did it later and it won't have to make sense to anyone else. Perhaps their merry band of do-no-gooders, but otherwise (yes I made that word up) nobody of consequence.

Have you noticed how the truth comes out? Remember when you wanted others to "see"? That takes time, Tad.

Take her back? No you wouldn't. You wouldn't be able to date if you could do that. Your ego is allowing you that fantasy, but in reality you wouldn't take her back. Somewhere inside you know that it's over and she is gone. Somewhere in there you know she is nobody you know. You know she is nobody she knows as well.

Is she miserable? Perhaps. Perhaps she's as mad as a hatter and is maniacally happy while skipping all over the place. Perhaps not.

For what it's worth, I'm with ya buddy. Mine is a flaming bag of scum and that's certainly not anybody I ever knew. The OM is as well, and I almost got into it with him. Realized what was happening and am taking another tack.

For me Tad, I finally got to where I couldn't be bothered to waste the breath it would take to utter f**** off to either of them. I realized then that I really don't care what she does or with whom. I was tested on that when they almost sat in my lap at the movies the other day. When you get to that point, it is more freeing than where you've been.

But what is really freeing is not hating any more. Seeing things for what they are and accepting them. Leaving her even though she left you will help as crazy as that sounds.

Let it wash over you Tad. It's not what you wanted, but it is what it is. Don't let her craziness prevent you from reaching your potential and having fulfilling relationships.

You'll have to "teach" her to leave though Tad. Be warned. She's crazy and won't take that very easily. Be firm. Be strong. Be the leader you already are. Be patient and take the emotion out of it as you would a 4 year old that needed to be taught something.

Good to hear from you Tad. Keep up the great progress.

Oh. And date whomever you want. Be honest and build the kind of relationships you really want. There's nothing wrong with your ability to pick good people even if some are just "fun" and some are "fun and deep" in those realtionships. All else doesn't really matter.

Live like you only had to midnight when it comes to the relationships. Spend your time with those that matter and that treat you right, brother.

Be good,

AJ