I sure understand your frustration! Why would you want a man back that is not even treating you the way you want when your separated?
Are you guys have the typical distancer/pursuer R?
If you are the pursuer in the R then it's up to you to stop this cycle.
This man has to know you mean business because it sounds as though you don't really want him back unless he can be the H you want.
The ONLY way you MAY get that is to cut him off. No Contact. This makes the distancer very uncomfortable. They want to get back to staus quo.
Until your H knows you will NOT settle, there's probably no chance for him to change. Not if this is his natural behavior.
You've told him what you want right?
So...the ball is in his court, so leave it there. See if he picks it up, and what he does with it.
Cindy, you have to let him see you strong. Like he's never seen you before. Let him see that you are becoming a new person, not afraid of anything that may come your way.
You have gotten strong Cindy. I hear it in the way you say things now. You still have you, and you are the one person you can still rely on.
Look back in your R, and see that you CANNOT control this man in any way.
You asked if you just let him come back the way he is. I would say NO. It's apparent he's not changed and is not willing to do the work it will take to make it a happy M.
You don't want more of the same. None of us do. We all want healthier, happier, more loving relationships.
I guess I'mm saying all htese things to myself as well as you. I will in no way go back in to the M the way H is now. I'm just pluggin' along doing my own thing and detaching more and more. I feel better now than I have in two yrs!
It's because I've basically given up on him. I have nothing more to give or say. I told him it's up to him, and I'm not taking any lame attempt to reconcile. He's going to have to come clean about his A and be willing to look at it and talk about instead of avoiding it altogether like he has been.
That only serves to prove to me he's not ready to disclose what he feels led up to his part in the decision to participate in an action that seriously jepardized his M.
Hang in there girl, things will work out and you will be a beeter person no matter what happens-I promise! Rachael
