empowerment over, just had H pack his bags

[BeingMe]

How are you doing, CM? I always wonder about those who seem to stop posting on their threads, but figure they have busy lives, and don't have the time, or the need. Anyway, hope things are going well in your life.

[canadianMrs.]

BM, thank you for asking, that is sweet. I am doing so much better. There is still adjustment to all the changes, but I feel like I am healing. The other night I went Christmas shopping with my sister (also my reclaimed bf). I laughed so much, i actually startled myself. I had missed laughing, being light hearted, and just being goofy with someone...the "old" me is coming back. Being back home, I'm always running into old friends and my calendar is filled. Life it hectic, but I feel alive. The kids are involved in so many activites too. Some may look at me moving as a bad thing, but my D10 told me the other day that she sees me trying new things, and it made her try out for her school musical...which she got a part! I've even become closer with my inlaws after years of a strained relationship.
H and I are still figuring out what we are to each other, and I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about him. Its all a work in progress right...somedays I still do look back and ask why, but I am starting to feel like while I could have done withhout the affair, H and I both needed to take this journey to evaluate our own lives and our relationship. I still do believe he is in MLC (just found out he got a huge Tiger tatoo on his back??!?!) but that there were some control issues etc/selfishness to begin with on his part...they've just been magnified with the MLC.
We are starting counselling in the next couple of weeks. There is no real plan for what we want out of this. After knowing each other since we were 13, I think we both have a hard time knowing where to go from here, so this will give us some guidance. It's with someone new who is highly recommended, so we will see. I will keep you posted. Thanks again.

[BeingMe]

I am so glad that the move worked for you and your children. I can tell that you are much happier being back home. I am planning on moving in the next year or two, to where I have friends and family, so I am encouraged by your experience.

Have fun with the shopping. I use Amazon.com and Costco. Not too much into malls. But, that's just me.

[canadianMrs.]

H and I have started MC. We've done one together, one each on our own and now we start together again. I love our C and so does H. I feel like H is finally hearing me and he's had a couple of "ah ha" moments about how his childhood affected the man he became. We are still not sure what MC means, but we're willing to see where it goes. I think we both have fears of hoping for too much. We're suppose to go on a date just to see how it feels. I don't want to do something where we just sit and talk, we've had a lot of that lately. I'm hoping for some fun date ideas.

[BeingMe]

Sounds great, CMrs. Hope it works out for you.

[canadianMrs.]

We've had 5 sessions with our new MC; who is great. Today we went on a date. It went really well. We talked about where to go from here, and we are both optimistic this can work. I can't believe we are on the same page, what a difference a year makes.

[MrBond]

Congratulations. Keep up the good work.

[BeingMe]

Sweet!

[25yearsmlc]

So great to hear CM!!

If you still need date ideas, try a live comedy club, or alternatively something that makes you laugh at the movies.

As you recall from being with your bf/sister, laughter is a bonding thing.

Keep up the good work and build it up well...make sure you keep your power too, if you know what I mean.

Keep us posted too, b/c you are in "Piecing" and it isn't easy and we all can benefit from hearing stories about it, and many here post about how to

recover from an A.

((( )))

[canadianMrs.]

I don't know what is wrong with me, but the last couple of days I feel a lot of anxiety about all of this. I have worked hard to get here, and now that H seems to be working with me, I am doubting how I can do this. A lot of feelings are being stirred up over all the things that have hurt me. I still want to do this, and I know saving this marriage would be the best thing for so many people, but it's like, now that it could actually happened I'm scared of that too. How do we really do this? Can we really do this? Is it normal to have this anxiety? I'm also struggling with how people will react. I've had such a great support system, but I'm worried that people will be dissapointed/think I'm "weak" for taking him back (I think its just the opposite) or all the gossip that will follow.