Quote: Sure, I had problems, issues, things I needed to improve, but there had to be communication and support
My h provides no feedback or input...only angry outburst when things don't go his way. He continually can not feel or even try to understand where I'm coming from...he puts how he wants me to behave in place of what could be my feelings.
My friend said this which makes sense: He threw you and the kids out because HE felt like it. He asked y'all to Florida because HE thought it would be something HE would like. He didn't go to counseling because HE didn't like the counselor, the questions the counselor expected him to answer and it was uncomfortable (emotionally and mentally).... so HE didn't want to go. HE replied that if he walked in your shoes you would have thought and responded in the way HE wanted to you... in other words, he never actually mentally or emotionally put himself in your place, he just parroted what he wanted you to do and how he wanted you to behave.
It is uncomfortable to take any responsibility for anything in his life so he makes everything your fault because that makes HIM feel justified. (That is very important since he doesn't have God in his life, because without God and God's forgiveness and unconditional love Jeff feels rejection and condemnation for everything he does wrong or selfish.... therefore he MUST rationalize and justify himself. How better to do that than blame you for everything?)
The counselor (and I) told you that he is totally self absorbed.... so selfish, that there is nothing else in his life. Just Jeff and what Jeff wants. This whole divorce thing looming on the horizon is something he seems unable to control and he has tried various methods to keep control of it and nothing has worked so I think at this point he is choosing to simply ignore it.... Like asking you to Florida. I think he is hoping that you will just continue as you have for the last year, after the divorce. That is, jumping and running when he calls, taking his insults and leaving when he chooses to throw you out, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, even physical abuse at imes.... because everything has to be just as HE wants.
That's just my opinion for what it is worth....
Well I think she has h nailed. This is why I can't get through...and nothing I do makes a difference....cause he sees things HOW he wants them to be. I keep getting it wrong cause I don't act like he wants me to. Lack of communication is a definite problem here. I just can't connect.
Quote: Looking back, I was a doormat in that reconciliation, and let her run over me. That's what may be happening with you.
Yes, he's definitely placed his sole mark right on my back! He says whatever hateful thing comes into his mind (went so far as to critique my clothes and forbade me to wear a shirt I really like. Said it was too 70s and he hated it.). I mean why be rude to someone you are trying to reconnect with? It's like he doesn't care...I got to take it or leave it.
Quote: Perhaps the hard approach, some of which your C is suggesting in ending all sexual relations with your H, is the way to try now.
Yes, this is what needs to happen! I'm scared I won't be able to pull it off though....he says things that get me to believe I'm all wrong. I got to prepare for his attack.
Quote: BUT, the hard way requires you to be able to walk away, like I did.
This is what I'm afraid of...I've been with my h for half my life. And even though he treats me bad some times and is absent most of the time, I can't imagine life without him. It's a hard concept to get a hold of...that there is someone else or there could be someone else.
I'd always thought marriage was for life or at least till one of us killed the other !
or at least till one of us killed the other 
!
