Quote: I still think that there is something I haven't tried yet, some way to talk to him, SOMETHING...I'm missing something that will turn this around!
I remember this state very well. That feeling that there's something I was doing wrong. After my first failed reconciliation, I realized it wasn't me. Sure, I had problems, issues, things I needed to improve, but there had to be communication and support from my W. She expected perfection, and ran whenever things got tough. I looked at everything and decided I'd put forth the effort, I was willing to put forth more effort, it was up to her for anything else.
In some respects, I see you as being where I was in the first "reconciliation". I was trying hard, DB'ing how I thought was correct, and she was leaching off of me. Looking back, I was a doormat in that reconciliation, and let her run over me. That's what may be happening with you.
Our second reconciliation I felt good about. I laid down my rules, and followed up. I believe OM was gone for the only time in our marriage. So, when she decided to bail again, I knew it was her and not me.
I guess what I'm thinking is you've tried the soft approach, and it doesn't appear to be working. Perhaps the hard approach, some of which your C is suggesting in ending all sexual relations with your H, is the way to try now. BUT, the hard way requires you to be able to walk away, like I did.
