how she felt when you showed anger, was what she described. "Unloved, neglected, etc"
There is a connection between your behaviors and her emotional responses...
Sidenote--it's important (and sometimes difficult) to realize no two people see things the same way. That includes their marital history.
This took me a long time to accept. I kept feeling that h didn't see things accuarately or that he overlooked his own failings...and the impact of his unilateral choices.
Then I felt it was crucial that WE both see our marital history the same way. Yet I knew in the back of my mind, that two "innocent" w's could see an accident very differently.
So of course each of us could see our past through the lens with which we view the world... what really matters in the end, is how you see the future together.
Agreeing on today's events...expectations being clarified & negotiated, matters a lot more than seeing the past identically (which btw is probably impossible. And a waste of time and energy).
It's tough to believe and accept but I really believe it.
When I say maturity, I mean learn impulse control and control your temper,
and learn empathy....
that means seeing her point of view from her point of view.
w/o suggesting that she's too emotional or unstable (ie wrong)
which takes the focus off of you and you are the focus b/c you are posting here. Not her.
Besides, the more you make this about her, the more powerLESS you are.
The more you make it about your behaviors in the marriage, the more empowered you are. Do you see that? It's actually good news. You CAN do something about all this.
When I say you revise things it's b/c you admitted that you were (what Bond said earlier-from your thread) "negative, critical"
and later you mentioned your temper and stress - which I think is clearly impacting everyone in the family.
You MAY benefit from meds or therapy for anger management...
so when you say later on, that you were "not selfish in the m" and that you can say all of your negative traits also belong to HER
I don't buy it. At least not most of it. I think you're in a lot of pain and taking some responsibility for getting here, can be too painful at times.
So our memories cloud. Sometimes it's so hard to reconcile our self image with our recently discovered flaws, that we stop remembering our backslides and our mistakes and flaws. But we have to.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
