Grmpy - yes, today is just another day and I can't tell you how refreshing that is smile This DB stuff is tricky. Just when I think I might finally have myself under control, something happens to remind me that every day is a new struggle.

Labug - I'm still not entirely sure myself... Let me try and piece it out for you...

In August, my H decided he didn't think he could "do this anymore" and we went to a MC which proved to be more of a hindrance than a help. During the two weeks leading up to Labor Day, he pulled the not coming home on time (or anywhere close to a reasonable time - the worst being the Sat before Labor Day when he just flat out didn't come home until that Sun evening - his best friend in tow since he needed moral support to talk to me apparently) thing 3 times. I was so tired of worrying and being upset that I told him that if he didn't want to live there with me, I didn't want him there... get his stuff and get out. Well, four weeks later, he sprung his "good news" to me in a Dear John letter saying he was planning to proceed with a D. The day after I got the letter, I met with him and we had one of the worst conversations ever (second only to that first bombshell). He assured me that there was no one else he had just "fallen out of love" with me and couldn't find it again. (I realize now, that my clinging and continual need to "talk" during that time has more than likely driven him away further than he was) and that we "needed a D". During one of my finer moments of that conversation, I corrected him and said it wasn't a need, it was a want; his. About a month and half later, there was still nothing. We met again to discuss what was going on. During that conversation, he assured me he hadn't changed his mind and that the lawyer he was working with had drawn up a proposed settlement for me to review. Over the next 3 weeks, we exchanged some emails, with the last one being that he was going to file if I didn't send him my revisions. I told him I was planning to go over the revisions with a lawyer and if he couldn't wait for that, then go ahead and file.

About a week and a half before Christmas, I finally met with a lawyer to discuss the settlement and the changes I wanted to propose. I made it very clear that I didn't want to file. I was planning to make my H do this. My reasons were: 1) I didn't want this in any way 2) if he wants a D, he can pay for it 3) if he wants the D, he can file. My lawyer listened to me and pointed out that at this point, I had had no control over the situation for the past 5 months of my life and I was letting it take control of me. In MI, it's $150 to file in the county I was living in, so that dispelled my issue with the cost of filing. As for not wanting it, he pointed out that if this is what H wants, I can't do anything about it.

I honestly think that at that point, I was so lost in the whole thing that any thought of a little bit of control over what was happening to me made it easy to make my mind up. In fact, at the time, it really felt like the right move. So, I signed the papers to begin the process. I think in my heart I was hoping for H to be so stunned that he would confront me about it (and possibly tell me it's not what he wanted?) but he didn't. Instead, things went along as usual and then the second week of January, I found out that his lawyer filed a counter-claim on his behalf. I'm not sure this was necessary since the papers were standard (MI is a no-fault divorce state).

It still feels like, at the time, it was the right thing to do. I just don't think that now, it is. I would love to call my lawyer and ask him to dismiss my claim, but I'm not sure it would do any good.

I'm pretty sure that's how I ended up filing while not wanting to D.