Sorry to hear that your H decided not to go to the C session. He'll probaly expect you to inquire into why or say something so..DONT..
Quote: I feel as though he thinks I'm a doormat...That he can treat me any way he wants cause he knows how desperately I want our M to work
You're probably right Cindy, and it could be he just doesn't care enough to try right now. Either way, the question is what are you going to do now? You seem to have set a list of goals for yourself in terms of things you want to accomplish outside the R, so I'd revisit those just to keep your mind active and take the concentration off of what may happen a month from now. Then I'd take a look in the mirror and admit to yourself that you may not be able to stop the D, but you can shake the doormat label and make yourself a little more formidable in his mind. Best way to do that is to turn off the pursuit, NO PRESSURE to the NTH degree, act happy and confident around him, let him initiate all the contact, let your actions show him that though you prefer him to stay in the M, you're willing to lose him if thats what makes him happy..and be consistent with all these things. The message he needs to get is that he is free to go, you're not standing in his way, you're moving on with or without him. He probably would like his space to sort things out, so give it to him. he knows where you are if he needs to get a hold of you, so you carry on and see what happens.
You can do it Cindy, but you have to really come to terms with the fact that he may not come back first...
