The alien strikes again!!! Looks like you've got a handle on it, so that's good. Right now, I think the questions would be the following: Is it good for our children? Can I handle it if we're divorced?
A vaction can be had with an alien. I did it after our second reconciliation failed - we had cruise tickets already paid for, and we went. Was a little difficult, but I went in with no expectations from her, and I knew ahead of time about her new boyfriend, so I coped and focused on enjoying myself.
In order to pull that off, you have to achieve detachment, and I don't know that you're quite there yet. So, making tentative plans would be ok, but I wouldn't put any money down.
As for the Texas weather - about time we got out of summer. At least for a little while. Does this warm streak mean another summer of 115? I really hope not.
Sorry to hear your H is so rude. That's hard to take and you do not desreve to be treated like that and also it'snot good for your kids to see that.
Your doing the right thing be just detaching from him and I'd let him know what your needs are. That way if he even thinks about coming back to you he'll know he needs to work on himself in that area.
Did he go to his C session? If so, how did it go? Rachael
Cindy-I was reading back on your post and saw your C has not emailed you about your H's session.
He wants to go to Florida???
He is very vague about where he stands. That would be hard to take. What am I saying? My H is vague too! But he has never talked about D and ACTS most of the time like he wants our M to work out someway. DAH!
the mc just called to say that my h cancelled his session with him and did not give a reason.
The mc said this is not good considering that we have a very short amount of time before d day, h doesn't talk, and is not getting it.
I'm so disappointed. The c said that I need to set boundaries now with h.
Here's some boundaries c recommended:
1. No more sex 2. Visits with the kids
well gee I don't even know at this point if it is worth my time to even see h now...I mean we are going to d court in a month! What could casual dates accomplish between now and then?
Don't know your whole story, but Calystra in a little over a month's time went from little contact to her H moving home. He was gone longer but there was only a little over a months good contact if I am reading her threads right.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thanks for the encouragement. I can sure use it...feel like I was just kicked in the teeth.
How will h make changes if he wont' get help? I try so hard to db, ask for feedback, get none. Have no idea where to go with this! My h is still an [censored], unresponsive, unaffectionate, etc....do I just settle for that and he comes home?
I feel as though he thinks I'm a doormat...that he can treat me any way he wants cause he knows how desperately I want our m to work! I guess now I really need to just blow him off....or what?
Sorry to hear that your H decided not to go to the C session. He'll probaly expect you to inquire into why or say something so..DONT..
Quote: I feel as though he thinks I'm a doormat...That he can treat me any way he wants cause he knows how desperately I want our M to work
You're probably right Cindy, and it could be he just doesn't care enough to try right now. Either way, the question is what are you going to do now? You seem to have set a list of goals for yourself in terms of things you want to accomplish outside the R, so I'd revisit those just to keep your mind active and take the concentration off of what may happen a month from now. Then I'd take a look in the mirror and admit to yourself that you may not be able to stop the D, but you can shake the doormat label and make yourself a little more formidable in his mind. Best way to do that is to turn off the pursuit, NO PRESSURE to the NTH degree, act happy and confident around him, let him initiate all the contact, let your actions show him that though you prefer him to stay in the M, you're willing to lose him if thats what makes him happy..and be consistent with all these things. The message he needs to get is that he is free to go, you're not standing in his way, you're moving on with or without him. He probably would like his space to sort things out, so give it to him. he knows where you are if he needs to get a hold of you, so you carry on and see what happens.
You can do it Cindy, but you have to really come to terms with the fact that he may not come back first...
The man has not a clue! He has no inkling as to why I filed for the d, why I wanted him out!!! He continues to be the same person! And I think he absolutely expects me to go back to him as he is.
If I continue to act as if...that is what I'll get --- the same damn thing I had pre-separation! Is that what I want? Hell, no but at the rate I'm going in this situation, my h is more than happy to supply the same old same old.
That is my question...will my behavior of detaching get him to where I want him? He'll pursue all right but that is the extent of it.
Is this all I should expect...him to come home as is and then expect changes after the fact?
