She's deploying means she's leaving for a while, doesn't it? If it does, her being gone blocks you from building a relationship with her and with others, if you chose to.
As long as you have clearly stated recently that you want a relationship, not a just a friendship, then she knows what to do if she does as well.
Holding hands isn't friendship, though. If she want's the milk, she's got to buy the cow (aka you).
Just a thought...if you felt horrible, sounds like you aren't done dealing with the affair and divorce. Maybe get a cousellor while she's gone.
