I want to show you guys that I am looking at what my W has complained about. I am struggling to emphasise with some stuff as explained in my previous post, for some of these things I can see a pattern which is the stuff I've taken really seriously.
What I did originally was take the letter she wrote to me that she was taking to MC to show the MC all the bad stuff I've done to her, she originally said that these are the reasons she had no feelings for me anymore which came up in our chats after I moved out the first time so it was while the EA was going on. With the letter which gave specific examples of how I've hurt her over the years I took each example and looked at the emotions and feelings that she was saying behind the words. And the main ones are...
Unloved , unappreciated, hurt, uncared for, disrespected, unwanted and anger(hers).
Interestingly in the letter was no mention of what I see as the biggest problem from her POV in our R for at least the last 9 or so years which is my stress and anger and is one of the few things she has complained about verbally since the letter. A lot of the examples she gave me in the letter I went through everything from my POV (this was 2 months ago) I apologised for every single example though. I can now completely see the disrepect throughout the R , I can see that she would feel unloved and uncared for if I wasn't speaking her LL which also would would explain why she felt unappreciated as words of affirmation is her 2nd LL.
