My story, need help before I mess everything up.

[Denton]

Wow that was fast. You have already revised things in the m....(like your w?) Stop it. You won't grow. You keep using that scorecard to make yourself feel better b/c maybe MAYBE the ugly truth is,

you could have done a lot BETTER as a h, and that is the barometer, not "could have been worse" .

With what I know now I definetly could of done a LOT better, I feel I gave it my best, with hindsight there are a million changes I would of done even if I didn't have these new tools I absolutely agree I could of done a lot better as a H.

One of her complaints was that we always did what I wanted to do which

[color:#CC0000]^^^sounds selfish...come on, you know it.
Just b/c she didn't fight you doesn't mean you knew it wasn't you getting your way. And when she did make an issue of it you SAY she "always got her way" but that tells me there's resentment on your end so she probably did NOT tell you how she felt very often..not worth the cost of your pouting...

You've hit the nail on the head there, I can completely see thats whats happened, I didn't conciously be selfish but the end result is still the same to her.

I sense eagerness to grow on your part, mixed heavily with innate immaturity and anger. Lose the scorecard, please!

If possible can you expand further on the immaturity - I'm not disagreeing! what does maturity look like in this situation?

Newsflash...she has her own scorecard and you are NOT ahead...
so how does it help you to keep using your point of view/scorecard? Answer...it does not.

I've just quoted this just to remind myself.

and btw, you really are revising things b/c I read your whole thread. Truth can hurt but that doesn't mean you keep running from or denying it. You'll hurt MORE by doing that than by facing it.

I really can't see how I've revised things, I've read through the thread again myself and can't see it? I'm not scared of the truth, I've faced a lot already in the last few months that have been very painful, I sometimes really struggle to see the truth, as in the me being selfish example above.

Why would we talk about your perfect qualities HERE? Your m is in peril. Your w wants out. YOU have to show her that marriage to YOU can be better and different than before.

how are YOU doing that?

180s, being kinder, more supportive what I can do while living seperetly and what I would of done before this mess if I'd realised it.

irrelevant scorekeeping...Learn empathy. See things from HER perspective ASAP or you'll get nowhere.

In a seperate post later I will put down what I've learnt from her.


She is trying a bit

then be grateful!! Stop adding your expectations..learn some dang patience.

Really really trying to!

Don't confuse self respect with your wounded ego, anger or pride. Those things are not helpful in this situation.

Quoted just to remind me.


Thanks for replying again I really value your challenging questions.