How old is your son? How is he handling your split and the new situation in general? I have a 14yo son and he would play xbox all day if he could, and all night. I could definitely see this as playing you two off each other. He's mad at mom, displaying it by doing what he feels like doing and disrespecting or ignoring her wishes. He's taking advantage of a situation where dad's in a different house and at mom's he understands they'd like him to stay out of their way and be quiet...time for xbox!
Talking to him is good no matter what. Let him know you care, find out what's going on with him and how he's feeling. Give him a chance to express what he's feeling. Find out if he thinks it's a good idea to fill up his time with xbox or if he has other things to do there. Separately, maybe talk to W about whether S might be feeling ignored there and see if there are activities she could try to do with him. In our house, grocery shopping gets S14 out of the house and "connecting", and we try to get him outside with friends whenever possible.
Definitely the issue of S being disrespectful or playing too much xbox is for his mom and dad to figure out. It's good she's not enlisting OM in the issue. She doesn't seem to have the confidence in her parenting, or ideas for tools to work with, to modify his behavior while he's with her. I'd suggest maybe a coparenting class, so S14 doesn't get the idea that there are two sets of rules or that you aren't both capable of parenting him.
I'd suggest not letting mom's request for help on this distract you into thinking she's trying to get back together. Give the problem with S attention as a standalone and let whatever plays out with her play out. You don't lose, no matter what, by being a caring and effective dad.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
