MLC or Passive Aggressive or Narcissism Part II

[Yasu]

For the entirety of my 32 year relationship, my husband had an established pattern of abandoning the marriage. Just packing up, and disappearing, often, within a week, begging to come back.

Once husband actually moved into his own place, and shortly after my Father's death, I made a "Left Turn," in my life. Therefore, in '89, I quit my HS teaching job, sold the house in two days, and was on my way to Ohio State for a Ph.D., where, I had also had just put the down payment on another house.

He wanted to come with me and relocate. He did. Those were good years. The moment I landed my first serious Univerity position that was worth moving to, began trouble again. One semester could not go by without him doing another disappearing act. My colleagues were not surprised and "saw it coming.". I didn't see it coming. But of course I was under tremendous presure to perform on my job.

He did return, as was the usual pattern, under the conditions of MC, where I learned a number of areas I too needed to improve. The year, however, with this drama, was so difficult for me, that I was prescribed, for the first time, anti-depressants. Once this was introduced into my system, I just seemed to get worse and worse. And my job became more and more difficult. Especially when I took on the role of whistle blower - which may have been poor judgment as I look back on it now.

I have not worked for over ten years. And my husband's issues have been uncomfortable to live with, but I have coped. Clearly, my emotional needs have been of little interest to him. And, he has carried out his abandonment behaviors to an unaceptable extreme, as stated in signature and my thread in Newby called "Separation, Settlement, or Serveillence?"

I read your first post with interest because before I found the DB site, I and my psychiatrist had placed my Husband in the Narcissism catagory. I was completely sure that he meets all detailed criteria - way beyond the typical rudimentary diagnosis. There is a book, it actually took me a couple years to absorb, written by a Narcissist, Sam Vatkin, "Malignent Self Love.". He pretty well nails the concept, variations, and effects of "Narcissism" down with a sletch hammer. It might not surprise you, this Vatkin rewrote the diagnotic criteria for the APA (well, he was correct, it needed to be updated, and has). I guess the book was difficult because of Vatkin's enormous vocabulary, and propensity to use at least three adjectives in his descriptions (two of which I most of the time have to look up).

Thank you for broadening my scope of MLC. I so hope you could tell me your impression of my thread in newbies. Yas