LA, thanks I see your point. My job (and my personality) is to fix problems when they occur, so my first instinct is to try to "fix" this problem. Yes I know I can't "fix" it, just the instinct kicking in. I think that is what led me to the question last night about the future; if she can see a future together, then I can find a way to "fix" this. I need to slow down and let it happen, however it happens...
Mach, I agree with you, that this is not a long-term workable solution. Is it workable for 6 months/1 year, probably, but we'll see. When she dropped the bomb last month she said she wanted out of her job, marriage, life because she wasn't happy and wanted to go find happiness... now she says she's happy staying together, but still not in love and doesn't have the connection. To me that is a step in the right direction that she is willing to stay in the house. She said the most important thing to her is our sons' happiness and if she needs to be content/happy and not in love/bliss, then that is okay because the boys will be happier if we are together. Like I said, it's a good/healthy home/relationship for the boys.
As for her issues when she dropped the bomb...she said there was no connection, that for years she hasn't felt that she loved me anymore and was trying to make it work. She said we never talk (even though she is an introvert and hates talking). I tried to take with her a couple times last week (not about the M, just about life, work, etc) and she said "Do I HAVE to be here, or can I go to bed?" I told her she didn't have to do anything, but if she wanted to talk about anything, I was here to talk and listen.
She said we aren't romantic. I agreed that I/we had put the relationship on cruise control and worried more about raising the boys, work, etc.
She said she used to get upset when she would go to bed and I would be downstairs working/reading/watching TV, and she always wanted me to go upstairs with her, not issues with sex, just physically being in different rooms (we work slightly different schedules, so she always gets up a couple hrs before I do). I would go upstairs when I was tired and ready to sleep. She never told me this has bothered her for 10 years until last month and she said she doesn't care anymore when I go upstairs.
She said we were basically living parallel lives, and not lives that were interwoven.
M36 W35 S8 S5 M11 T17 ILYB Bomb: 01/25/12 Still living in the same house, sharing the same bed, trying to make it better
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly."
