It would seem unanimus at this point. You HAVE to let go. I HAVE to let go. Yes, it's hard. Anything worth while usually is.
It sounds like you have a very wise and caring C.
I hope she gains some insight Tuesday when she sees your H. I hope he is open and honest with her.
I just spent all day with my H at our D's house. We were cordial to one another, but I did not sense that he was interested in anything more than what we have now.
He came to the house to get a letter I wrote for a matter we're dealing with, and I gave him a pair of his tennis shoes telling him I don't know how they got in the closet.
When he left last time I told him to take everything. To say I was angry then would be an understatemnet.
Something your C said struck me. When she said your H is not a H or Father now, I thought that it's so true.
My H does not WANT to be a H to me. I don't know what he wants to be. He thinks he's a good Father. I say a good Father does not leave his family.
I told him last time I really gave it to him that he has NO idea waht he's done to the kids. That he thinks since the older two are grown and gone that they are immune.
I told him he was in denial of what he's done.
Yep, I laid it on thick. I DON'T CARE if he feels guilty! He should! He cheated on his wife for years and that impacts the whole family!
I was feeling bad when he left the house because he made no move to kiss me or talk to me. I think he's afraid if he does he'll get rejected and he couldn't handle that.
He may also be afraid I'll jump his case again if he tries to talk to me.
Just talking here about what he did and reading the letter your C wrote helped me through my weak moments. As soon as I'm feeling weak, I get my hind end on this BB because I know I can relapse.
I wanted to call him and ask him why he's being so cold, BUT I didn't. I wanted to drive to his apt. and see if he went home, BUT I didn't.
There is so many ups and downs to this detachment stuff. One minute I feel like I'm as strong as an ox in my resolve not to go back to pursuing him, and the next minute I'm fighting not to call him.
Obviously by what just happened, this is not going to be easy.
Cindy, it won't be easy for either of us, but we HAVE to do this. We CANNOT go on like we were. With them disrespecting us and using us.
We are better off without them then to keep taking what they were willing to give us which was VERY LITTLE.
Don't you want to be loved? This is not love. I don't want this kind of a R, and I don't think you do either.
Are we so desperate in our fears that we would choose a life in which we are settling for so much less than what we want and deserve?
It's like an addiction Cindy. That's what it feels like to me.
It's like I need my fix of calling him and pursuing him so I can get some kind of little crumbs from him to curb the anxiety I feel from this detachment.
T2, Mattie and others told me this would not be easy. They said it was the hardest thing they ever had to do, but there was no way to go but up.
Hang in there with me Cindy. We can do this. We NEED to do this for US and if we want a real M and R. We'll help each other be strong.
We're doing the right thing even though many times it will feel as though we're not.
We have ot concentrate on US, not them.(well, we can sure try!)
My M may be over, I don't know. Many on here thought their M's were dead in the water, just to have thier S start to pursue them. Imagine that!
Your doing fine, and your h is noticing the changes in you wether he shows you or not.
Whatever happens Cindy, we end up the winners. Think about it. Rachael
