New trying to DB-Help!

[jlove]

Wow, I cannot read too much into this

I am not saying this to burst your bubble but you can't read ANYTHING into this.

You will burn yourself out if you let yourself do it.

You will see little glimpses of her coming and going closer and further away from you.

The trick is not to scare the squirrel who is coming closer to take a the nut from your hand.

No sudden moves.

See what is working and keep doing it.

No begging or checking her temperature by asking questions about how she is feeling.

so who knows. I have to quit trying to read her mind. focus on me and kids.

You gave yourself good advice here J. Follow it.

BTW recognize your acts of service at this point MAY be pursuing behavior.

True it is something you haven't done and is a 180 but just be mindful of her reaction to it.

Really 180's to me are about you, not about focusing on the other person. Changes for you.

Else they won't stick.

Also focusing on your W too much can take you off task which is reaching goals for the better man you want to be.

Which are what for you? Goals for you? That are measured by your actions not your W's reaction?

I am letting her come to me at this point and trying not to initiate anything. We still share so much together and there are still so many future plans for us as a family it's hard not to ever mention things though. I.E. out trip to Carribean together next month.

my goals are to remain sober and become a lean mean exercise machine and compete in a triathlon within the next year. Also, to be there for my 3 kids when they need me and support them. to be a more attentive father, not the one who was checked out for the last 14 years of parenthood at times. to learn to love unconditionally and live it, and let all the chips fall where they may. I think W is realizing that if she doesn't come back, someone else will want the new me (just my sense and hope, but either way that is a positive for ME). People are constantly telling me how good I look now and say they hardly recognize me. Even my priest said I was an inspiration to exercise more, so that makes me feel good, even if it's validation thru others. I need to work on self-validation in the process.