Have you given anymore consideration to letting your friends know? I honestly don't know if that is anti-DB or not, but for me it was one of the best things I did for myself. At first it did kind of feel like it almost escalated things with H, but I don't think I would have made it this far without the unbelievable support I got as a result.
It has kept me sane, and I largely credit this support group for getting me to the good mental place I am now.
I know exactly how you feel about your H's sudden change in behavior, I am dealing with the same issue right now with mine. I have totally kept my distance and it seems to keep things on an even keel.
My goal, however, in maintaining that distance is to keep myself off the roller coaster. Its taken me entirely too long to reach this place to let myself get sucked back into it.
