H is still on pretty much the same deal as the last time I posted, and I am still dim/dark.
After D's soccer the other night we talked briefly, and was looking at me so strangely it actually made me uncomfortable. I asked him why he was looking at me like that, and he stammered something about wanting to lean down and kiss and hug me.
Then he said he was still 'on the fence'. That completely shut me down.
He asked me if I felt differently, and I could barely answer before he said he knew I did, because I was looking at him differently. He asked if we were still going to meet to talk, but I told him if nothing was different with him there was no point.
I did talk to him later when D went to bed, and he still wanted to meet because there was some paperwork he needed me to sign. We agreed to meet Thursday while D was in school.
On V day I got a text that afternoon, and he asked if D and I could meet him for an early dinner. I told him we could and to make sure he brought the paperwork. He brought me flowers and a card that said he still loved me and always would (oddly this was more than he did last year and we were still together then!).
He tried to kiss me when I left, but I turned my head. I just can't go there until I know he is actually willing to work on our marriage- no more cake eating. I can't do it. He made up a totally bogus reason to call me in the car after I drove off, and said he meant what he said in the card. All I could say was, I just don't know where your head is right now.
He is definitely somewhat pursuing me, but it just feels like he's lonely, and has a mild case of 'I don't want her but I don't want anyone else to have her, either'. He keeps make comments about me talking to male friends, and I know he's regularly checking my phone records.
Its crazy how I've changed. A few months ago I would have been elated for him to pursue me like this. Right now, its almost annoying. I feel like I'm almost one of those LBS that becomes the WAS. Not that I wouldn't still want to save my marriage if I thought this was genuine change for him, but I know that's not what it is, at least not yet.
