I'm on day two of no contact.(meaning me not contacting him) We had to be together at S's basketball game this morning and again tonight, but I refrained from asking him ANYTHING.
I was nice but somewhat distant. I had no desire to kiss his A## like I usually do.
Friends came to S's game so we all went to lunch and then I left, not saying anything to him.
He's being friendly. I wonder is it to suck me back into the dance of pursuer/distancer?
I expressed myself today in front of him without fear. Without tiptoeing on those damn eggshells.
I'm no longer going to fear his rejection.
I think my pain last night was neccesary to do what needs to be done. I needed to grieve the loss of the old me and the old R.
It's never been clearer to me what I need to do. What I HAVE to do this for myself.
Strangely enough, as alone as I felt last night I found comfort in my resolve.
I'm seeing H through somewhat different eyes right now.
The best part though is that I'm seeing myself differently. I'm starting to be ok with ME. I'm not quite so scared anymore.
I'm beginning to BELIEVE that I'll be OK no matter what happens. All I can say is; Great Balls of Fire, it's about time! Rachael
