treading water continues...

[nhmom]

cat04- Thank you for your feedback. You were not harsh enough though I'm still expecting a 2x4.

I can give you one if you if you really want

I am curious, what do YOU think you did that deserves a 2x4 and why?

I would love to see what you would say if it were someone else's post.

I guess I'm mostly disappointed with myself for losing control. I have been fairly calm about things and I thought that I was doing well keeping my head high and not reacting. But seeing the text exchange between H and OW triggered a bad reaction. I could have handled it calmer, but instead I took the "FU" approach. I don't know if it was just too much hurt and anger built up that I was suppressing or what, but it burst out of me.

Yes, I was snooping. I checked the phone bill when I got home.

Did what you saw hurt?

I bet it did. Ok I know it did.

Did it get you anywhere?

I mean you already knew there was OW. Why do you keep pouring salt on your own wounds?

Don't snoop unless you are trying to build ammo for a D.

All it does is hurt you.

If there are things you need to know, you will find out.

If you need a real 2x4 about this topic, I will hunt two great ones down tomorrow and post them on your thread LOL.

I know. I really am only pouring salt on the wounds and it hurts.

I will check out the MLC forum, thanks. I'm scared that it may be MLC, and I'm scared how long it may take him to "come out of it", if at all.

Don't worry about the what if's for now.

He may be, he may not be, but you will get some great (different) perspective over there.

And you will have friends from here follow you there and vice versa. So...

I don't know what to do next. I don't want to tell him how things should be. I told him that we both need to figure it out together. H thinks that we shouldn't need outside help, that we should have been able to figure things out and not let it all come to this. I suggested we start "dating", that we get to know each other again. H said he thinks it's daunting to him.

You don't tell him what to do next. He needs to figure that out.

It isn't easy but you aren't his mother and you don't have all of the answers to clean up the mess that he has created.

That is his job to figure out.

I admit that I have some expectations when I shouldn't have any. I would like it if we went to MC together. I would like it if he went to IC. I would like it if he showed even the littlest sign that he wants to work with me, that he does want a future together. I would like it if he stopped contact with OW. I would like it if he said that what he did was not ok (I know, it's crazy for me to want that, but I would feel a million times better if he said it was a mistake. So yeah, I have a lot of expectations. I'm tired and I don't want to walk this path alone.

What is YOUR plan when your expectations for HIS actions don't work out?
I have put some thought into life without H. I don't know how long I should/can wait until I've had enough. I know everything is still relatively new, just under 3 months since the bomb, but I don't know how long I can go on like this. The constant flip-flopping and pessimism rubs off on me. I try to stay as positive as I can, but I can only be rejected so many times until I feel that I really do deserve better.