Mr Bond... I'm not convinced I am selfish in the whole scheme of things infact scratch that, I wasn't selfish in our M.
Wow that was fast. You have already revised things in the m....(like your w?) Stop it. You won't grow. You keep using that scorecard to make yourself feel better b/c maybe MAYBE the ugly truth is,
you could have done a lot BETTER as a h, and that is the barometer, not "could have been worse" .
One of her complaints was that we always did what I wanted to do which
^^^sounds selfish...come on, you know it.
Just b/c she didn't fight you doesn't mean you knew it wasn't you getting your way. And when she did make an issue of it you SAY she "always got her way" but that tells me there's resentment on your end so she probably did NOT tell you how she felt very often..not worth the cost of your pouting...
sorry but Denton when you post, I sense eagerness to grow on your part, mixed heavily with innate immaturity and anger. Lose the scorecard, please!
Newsflash...she has her own scorecard and you are NOT ahead... so how does it help you to keep using your point of view/scorecard? Answer...it does not.
to a point is correct BUT she hardly ever said what she wanted to do and when asked about something the usual reply I got from her is 'I don't mind'. This is part of my frustration, she never said what she wants, pretty much anything that she asked for she got. This theme is carried on throughout the marriage.
seriously? She got "pretty much anything she asked for...throughout the marriage"...then i guess your sitch is hopeless b/c she is too selfish and you were too kind, so you can go away right but powerless OR
do you want to feel empowered? Then CHANGE YOU...
and btw, you really are revising things b/c I read your whole thread. Truth can hurt but that doesn't mean you keep running from or denying it. You'll hurt MORE by doing that than by facing it.
From our talking she really must of expected me to be a mind reader.
With my needs, I feel that when we talk about a WAS that the LBS was an really bad H/W and the WAS was some kind of prince or princess. I guess I feel that in my sitch because we only talk about the negative things as those are what need to improve.
Why would we talk about your perfect qualities HERE? Your m is in peril. Your w wants out. YOU have to show her that marriage to YOU can be better and different than before.
how are YOU doing that?
I stopped 2 months ago mentioning anything to her about her changing or improving or my needs as I know that was not going to help. In my specific sitch she is just as guilty as I have been and most of her complaints I have back at her.
irrelevant scorekeeping...Learn empathy. See things from HER perspective ASAP or you'll get nowhere.
I know I've got to suck it up and do the heavy lifting but it doesn't hurt to be told again
okay, you've got to suck it up and do the heavy lifting. For a LONG time.
She is trying a bit
then be grateful!! Stop adding your expectations..learn some dang patience.
I just don't think shes ready to give it 100% yet, I'm trying to be as patient as I can - really? How about NOT discussing what you think SHE is doing and Tell me what you mean by how you are trying to be as patient as you can
then trying to double that patience and just be greatful I'm not in the same sitch as other people on here. read this^^^ to yourself hourly if needed
I keep looking for baby steps and keeps seeing them, I NEED to improve on keeping my hand still (as in the feeding the squirrel analogy on here). Yes you do. So now you KNOW what to do...so do it. Where the head goes, the heart will, eventually, follow.
Don't confuse self respect with your wounded ego, anger or pride. Those things are not helpful in this situation.
Thanks for your thoughts
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
