Husband wants out & has one foot out the door - P2

[25yearsmlc]

I woke up to some nastygrams on Twitter from OW. Basically saying that just because I live with H, doesn't make me his main woman. I should in fact be wondering why there is someone on the side.

You have to be kidding me?! OW is actually contacting and taunting you?? Does your H know about this? And if not, is there a DB reason that you are not telling him? This woman is harrassing you and I see no reason that you have to hide it from your H (not saying you are, just wondering). Ro, I am new to this so I might not have it right, but it does seem to me that your H is doing some major cake eating here. He gets to act as if everything is fine at home, with your permission and participation -- and then go on vacation with the OW. And from what you've said, I do believe he is going there specifically to see her. What incentive does he have to change his behavior? Would you be OK in marriage like this long-term? He is learning that it is OK to have both a wife and a mistress. Why would he give that up?



some men won't. But most would. Most men, and almost all mistresses and wives, want a committment. It's a matter of time before he'll have choose and my guess is Ro wants to be the choice.

It's not as black and white as we all once thought it was...and that's not all bad.

If he doesn't choose soon enough , that may = a choice to Ro. if he makes the wrong choice, she'll know soon enough.

Roro, I suggest you set an internal deadline for yourself, which you can always reset,

so you know how long you can cope and compete with this. At that point, say a month or 90 days from now, check YOURSELF to see how YOUR changes and YOUR PERSONAL work are going...

are you making progress so that you are the woman you were meant to become? No matter what your H does, you CAN be that woman and frankly, you owe it to yourself to be her.

Be a woman only a fool would leave.

And at some point, set AND ENFORCE boundaries that respectful partners want and share.

Good luck


I am sorry if I got it wrong here, but I don't like how he is treating you.

Mimi

no one likes what he's doing. It's wrong. But many of us have wronged others OR have been wronged - and we're still here.

It's her choice to go in a healthy direction for as long as she can and our job to support her choice.

But Determining what that healthy direction is, takes more than some anonymous posters to know or figure out. (mimi-No offense meant) it's THE hardest part of this journey.

Roro, I hope you can get some counselling or DB coaching.

Then you can find your personal "line in the sand", and we can help you keep it safe & unviolated.

get some counselling
For your peace of mind...and for guidance and strength, which we all wish for you.