I've been catching up on all of your posts since mid december. Sorry to hear you're putting out all the effort and getting lukewarm returns at best. Thats what happens a lot of the time. You push and push, call and call, expect and expect, pour your heart out, do what your C says, and nothing happens, because what you're doing is constantly pressuring him, even though you think you're not, he thinks you are.
Quote: He seems to be taking for granted that my heart is to save the M.
Thats probably beacause his heart isn't, thats why you're in the position many of us are.
Quote: I feel that tonight my 180 will be to act as if my H is not coming back.
ATTA GIRL, thats exactly what you need to do. Took me 9 months to get that through my skull and once I did, this stuff became a lot easier to deal with. WAs can be tough mentally, they do not fall to the whims of our longings. Telling them you love him, trying to fill his love tanks, etc, in all probability will not work if he doesn't feel anything for you. Doing those things is like taking on a tank with a sling shot. To draw them back, you must be attractive to them. Its hard, but you have to toughen up a little and play the game on their terms. If he doesn't want to be with you, so be it, you're not waiting around any longer. Best way to do that is what RMC suggests, cut down the pursuit, cut down the initiation of contact, when he calls, be happy and perfectly satisfied with however he sees things, NO PRESSURE. You might want to start dating casually, when he catches wind of it, he'll wonder, especially if he senses you are enjoying the pursuit of other men that find you attractive and fun to be around. You can occassionally do nice things for him in a non overbearing fashion, but mostly just let him free to do as he wishes, while you create a life outside of him for yourself. If you can do that consistently enough, the probability is you'll give yourself a fighting chance of having him take an interest in you more than what you're accustomed to right now because now, you're doing all the work and he knows you don't want the D. That young lady, is not where you want to be from a strategy standpoint.
Let go, have fun, move forward, let him pursue you for a change. If he still doesn't, well then, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with him anyway?
