MC says to call it quits

[Accuray]

No problem Captain, no big emergency currently. FWIW, here are the 180's that my W said "mattered" when asked by the MC:

1) Approachable: She said that I used to be unapproachable when she wanted to discuss something that was difficult, or something I disagreed with. She said she felt she would get "talk to the hand" and I'd just end the conversation and walk away. Now she feels I'm very approachable and we can have productive conversations.

2) Connection: She said that I make it a point to connect at least once per day to ask her how her day is going, generally catch up etc. She said I used to neglect her.

3) Physical: She said that we've established the same bed time and hug when going to bed and when waking up, she said that's been very important to her. Before I tended to go to bed after she was asleep, and she'd be gone before I woke up.

4) Partnership: She feels that I'm more of a partner now, will work on projects with her versus in parallel, and that I've taken on more household tasks. She appreciates that.

So yes, the pursuing stuff (gifts, acts of service, compliments, etc.) did not make the list of what matters -- good to know.

It was interesting to listen to her characterization of how I used to be, because my impression is so much different. When I started to point out that she could have tried connecting with me too, MC stopped us both and said that there is an effect that has been studied that our memories are driven by our intentions, not our actions. i.e. if we intended to be helpful but were perceived as controlling, our memory will be that we were helpful, even if we got direct feedback that what we did was controlling. He said that's why it's often difficult to reconcile our impressions of our past relationships -- because our intentions are invisible to the other party, all they see is our actions. We're largely focused on our intentions and are therefore less aware of how our actions are perceived.

Good stuff.

Accuray