I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 12 1/2. We have 3 kiddos S(13), S(10)and D(8). We have always had a great connection and seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces (others observations). We both work for my Dad in a small family HVAC business and my Dad is not an easy person to work for or with. My husband often times finds himself being yelled at by my Dad. In Oct. my Dad went of on one of his tantrums and my husband finally yelled back and cussed him out, because he couldn't take it anymore. That day changed him. There were little changes in him, but we were ok, I know that I was unhappy not that long ago. I was overwhelmed with the kids, the house and just wasn't a happy person. I honestly wanted to run away at times. In Dec. I noticed big changes in my hubby, he was going out with friends, didn't spend time with us etc. I questioned him, he told me he felt unappreciated by me, felt like a gravy train to myself and my Dad, needed a break, wanted to hang out with friends, etc. I heard everything he had to say and started to make changes. I now know the changes I made were not the correct ones. Instead of giving him space I started to be over affectionate (we were never all that affectionate to begin with), I followed him around, wanted to be in the same room with him, didn't give him a moment to breath. So no surprise he started to become distant and things got worse. One night he just slept on the couch. My kids told me that they felt ignored by their Dad and I encouraged them to talk to him about it, they did. The next morning (Jan. 17) he told my Dad that we were separating, before he told me. That night when he came home I asked him what was up, and that is when he told me that he wanted to leave, he hadn't been happy for years, I didn't keep the house clean enough, etc. He then told my kids the reason he was leaving was because he didn't love me anymore. I shoved him, I yelled, I called him names (all of which I apologized for that night). I wanted to crumble up and die, but I didn't. I decided that if he was going to force my hand at single motherhood, I better get my stuff together. I decided that I needed to go back to school (nursing) and started the ball rolling that following weekend. Well for the next two weeks, he was set on moving out, he told me that he would have the kids 50% of the time, we would still watch hockey and football games together, have family dinners, etc. Well he were are almost one month later. He is still at home and sleeping on the couch, we are friends, we are able to sit and watch tv together, and he says he is willing to work on us. I see small changes in him and have told him that I notice the changes and the fact that he is working on us. He spends weekends at home, comes home from work and we carry on conversations, watch funny videos he finds online. We are still intimate together, but of course I need more. I am trying to GAL of my own. I start CNA school on the 27th, he will be at home with kids Mon-Thurs nights on his own for 5 weeks, I don't talk about the relationship. I did make the mistake of asking him how he felt about me, and he said he doesn't know that his feelings flip flop. I now know not to ask those questions anymore. I am taking it day by day, exercising, using this time to focus on myself and my kids. I have had a good week, up until yesterday. The last two days have been hard. He is going to a NBA game tonight with some friends. It hurts, but we have never really made a big deal out of V-day so I try to keep that in mind. I am taking my kids swimming and just trying to make the night fun for them. I am just feeling really lonely right now. I think I could take steps forward with him as far as affection and touch goes, but I don't want to make the same mistake and push him away, so I let me make the moves. Any advice, suggestions, encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
