I have the book by Laura Munson, and really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for the suggestion. Any advice is always appreciated!
The last few days I have done well, but tonight we went and had our taxes done, and well, sometimes this alien just makes me furious! Originally he told me I could have our entire tax return, I told him that's not necessary. Well it turned out to be more than we thought, and when we got home, because heaven forbid I be spoken to really at all, but not in public, you know that may impede his ability to flirt with random strangers, Anyway, he wanted to "talk to me about the tax return". He's always saying, "I don't want to fight with you." But I really think he does try to fight with me, but it doesn't work because I won't. As angry as I may be inside I speak calmly. So I asked what do you want me to do, pay some extra bills, or write you a check. Well apparently writing a check is fine, you know since he pays the mortgage and utilities. Ok well I just paid his car off, and he makes a LOT more money than me, so whatever. It's only money he can have it all for all I care, except I wanted to save some for a lawyer in the event his head stays forever lodged in his ass! Of course he didn't offer me any of the money from his hefty bonus check, and failed to mention the 2 large checks he has coming from stocks and retirement (I found papers, so that's how I know he's got that coming). But no, no he's not having a midlife crisis..... all this spending is normal, and blaming your wife who's been nothing but supportive and your cheerleader is normal, and being nice to everyone else and pretending like everything is ok is normal, acting like a freaking teenager and then a toddler is completely normal! Instead of waking up and seeing the job you hate is the problem, and you are projecting all your anger on your wife because she represents responsibility, and won't let you sell the house you haven't lived in 2 years yet, oh and when someone may have stupidly mentioned you may be having a midlife crisis not looking it up, or researching it to see if that's possible, or even not going to counseling is yep all NORMAL!!!!! (sense the sarcasm?)
Ok, ok, sorry, a bit frustrated after this experience. And yesterday he was nice to me..... this is why it feels like I'm in crazytown! Yesterday he was all concerned because he thought I had had a date, when I pointed out I'm marriage so I'm not dating he's like I don't want to fight with you. I said I'm not fighting with you stating facts.
I think it also annoyed him that when he told me he wouldn't be home this weekend I didn't get mad, I said that's funny I won't either. So he did ask a few questions fishing for info. I've been trying to "give him his space" which is no small feat in the same house, but I've been shutting "my" bedroom door, and until Saturday night I hadn't seen him since Thursday. I don't know, he's so back and forth, I'm nice to you, I hate you, I'm nice to you, it's over, I just don't feel that way anymore.... where are you going on your trip, I don't feel that way anymore you need to accept it...... AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just feel so unsure.... and I think does he really think all the hurt and pain he is causing the woman he loves (well did anyway, but I believe still does) is ok, does he really not care, does he enjoy it, is the alien here to stay, or will it leave as quickly as it came???
I know he has to work through this and I can't do anything thing to help, and that's hard for me. I'm in the human service field and it's my job to help families in crisis, and I've been so conflicted about that lately because I have this huge crisis in my own home and can do nothing about it.....
