Separation, Settlement, or Servellience?

[Yasu]

Again, these are the things I do not understand. Another event today.

I do comprehend that "rush" sensation when you see your S's car on the road. Especially if he has OW by hi side in the convertible. Or worse, she is driving the car herself (never been 1000% sure - but seen what looks like her in our black Z3 a dozen times. Believe me, I have made pleant of U-turns to find out. But long, long ago, I gave this up, as it is near impossible to catch up to a vehicle going in the opposite direction. Well, not today.

I was on my way to therapist appointment today. Came out main road, and made a left turn (the opposite of what I normally do, as doctor is in another town). What do I see. Husband maneuvering a U-turn in opposite direction, right there, in the middle of the road. He "may" have seen me coming up my
road and, assumed, I would go the other direction as usual, possibly?

Based on my own experience, and the number of light, and an additional turn I planned to make on the next main road - I knew for sure could never double back again and catch up to me, without blowing thru some lights, high speed, and/or extreme luck. I went on my merry way and forgot about it.

Twenty minuites down the main road, I'm stopped at a light and traffic. I jam the tunes, do a little hair swooch in the mirror, and what do I see? Checking side mirror in my periferrie, grill details of his vehicle and front plate seem to be a match. Of course, I'm not going to turn around and look.

Light changes, I step on it, sling over to make. A quick left at the last second. And that was that.

Now, one always has to consider, that it is possible their were two cars alike, at the two different areas, and neither one was him. Rather - it is my tendency towards a confirmation bias - I want to believe it was him. The first one looked so much like him - it was for sure the color, make/model of the vehicle. The guy had a white t-shirt just like him. I did not see him - just an image of his general shape, which I tend to recognize. I tell you, it was him. But I wouldn't bet anyone's life on it.

Now the second siting was for sure same color, make, model, and front plate. But front plate is very common. I did not look for what the person looked like in the vehicle - as I was too nervious. But there was only one person.

If it was him, it took considerable effort to catch up to me. The u-turn vehicle, at the first street is very odd. These are the things that really bother me, as I have WITHOUT A DOUBT observed him observing me on many occasions.

He does do these observations - in my neighborhood, which there isno need for him to drive through. He even uses the pharmacy at my Kroger's store, when he has a Kroger's next door to the restaurant.

Before I was spending the time at the rental, I ran into him on the road, or parking lot at least one of four trips out. Considering I am reclusive, these odds are strange, to say the least.

What does this mean? I have asked the question for years now. I asked the newer therapist today, and he said he does not know him, and cannot tell me what it means. But I think, DB experts would tell me to stay low.

Bills from the 27th remain unpaid. That's a good reason to drop a note with another bill that has arrived, as VM are not being responded (there is clearly no need to leave another.

My doctor prescribed more medication for my increased insomnia and anxiety. I'm on the edge of my seat - always wait for the other shoe to drop (that is, the very real heart palpatations that begin when an email pops up from attorney (doctor gave me a special BP pill for that heart fluttering thing). I know all of you understand these feelings and sensations. Thank you in advance for reading my complicated saga. I am just going to keep journaling. Yas

[Yasu]

Yas, 2x4 coming so put on a hard hat...

I'm 55 and have been married for 33 years, together 36 and I don't consider myself finished! But it is a daunting prospect at times.

To put the info in your "signature" go to the top of this page and you will see My Stuff>click it>go to my profile>click it>go to the bottom where it says signature and enter the info.

I'll read the rest of your sitch now.

OK, Ms. Labug,

Got the 2x4, but expected more. Yes, you are correct. Notice I'm now proudly displaying my age 55 in the signature area! Thank for the DYI. Hope to hear some responses to my thread soon.

I satisfied a second goal by picking up second dog from overnight stay from being neutered yesterday. I almost canceled this too. But, it's done. Thank goodness the Doctor left his little scotum, per my request.

Also, I see H finially paid the bills I prepared and mailed to him on the 26 of January. Therefore, no need for follow-up VM. He really pushed it. I had 3 calls from the cell phone company. Could he be testing me, to see if I will report him to attorney? Hmmm. Well, he did hear a friendly tone of voice in my collection requests. I await responses to my sitch.

[labug]

Yasu, have you rad the MLC forum here. Those folks might have more input for you.

[Yasu]

Yasu, have you rad the MLC forum here. Those folks might have more input for you.

Yes, Ms. Labug, backwards and forwards. Also some other on-line sites regarding topic. Just finishing thread's of Kaffe Diem.. Julliet's was informative as well as "Wreched - or is it Not So Wreched?"

Really, my sitch is so convoluted, perhaps folks are reluctant to mess with it. I see where newbies actually request their threads be reviewed in the different forums. I will try to build up my courage to ask.

It does seem very MLC, and has gone on at least five or six years. Of course, my sitch has elements of extreme narcissism, BPD, and just general abusiveness (not unlike some MLC descriptors)!

He certainly has done everything possible to rewrite history, and turn me into the worst human being that has ever walked this Earth. I must say, the timing was very convenient indeed. I await responses. Anything to get my mind off the dreaded possibility of receiving a correspondence from mine or opposing council (new extra dose of BP medication is on standby). Yas

[labug]

Your situation is very convoluted. I apologize if you've answered this before but why do you want to stay married to him? Accuray asked this because in my opening post i had made my H seem to be a loser and people thought "Wow, sounds like she's better off without him!"

I also went to Accuray's thread and asked him to visit mine.

[Yasu]

I guess I feel really stupid right now. That is so the million dollar question I have heard for 32 years. I suppose, when these painful stories are written down, it never looks so great. I would not call my husband a total loser.

He is mean, there is no doubt about that. He has never been a deadbeat - and has worked very hard everyday that I have known him. Due to my education, I did out earned him when I was working. But, in terms of breadwinner, I am now the big loser.

I suppose I cannot feel more like an idiot than I do just now. That is why I never put this story down in one place before. As I said, I am afraid.

[Yasu]

And speaking of convoluted, that is exactly how my mind functions on all this GD medicine.

[BFloat]

no.. we don't you to feel like an idiot!!

i think the question is more.. you have all these reasons we see for not being with him.. what are some of the reasons you do? the WAS always tends to focus on the negative and seem to have memory loss when it comes to any positives.

so.. help us understand.

[Yasu]

Forgive my defensiveness please. I am here for the same reasons as most anyone else. I am desparately seeking assistance in interpreting the behaviors of my husband, and understanding how I might better apply the DB/DR principles in my situation. I am just at the point of giving up, and looked to this site for hope and direction.

I do not feel well at all, - nobody would on as many drugs as are prescribed for this bi-polar condition, they are paralyzing. My drug bill could easily feed a family of four. I am really trying to keep a grip, as I watch my finances, and last amounts of personal credit is about wiped out.

I am afraid. I am ill at ease with this illness. I liked it better when I had the security of my marriage. I know better how to handle matters after 3.5 years of reflection, and a complete change for the better in many respects. Anyway, that's what I have to add, and again, so sorry for my snappiness. There was something painful about reading your post. Y

[labug]

DB is not so much about interpreting our spouses behaviors even tho sometimes it seems that way.

DBing is about looking at those behaviors in ourselves that might have contributed to the breakdown of the relationship and changing those.

You say your H is mean. Why do you want to continue to be with someone who is mean to you. Is it love, is it neediness, is it fear, is it financial?