Hi everybody: I thought I’d move my posts over to the Newcomers thread since there’s a lot more traffic here. If you’d like to read the background on my Situation, I had posted it at: Almost Separated but far from Giving up, under the “Separated Now what” Forum
I had to work on Saturday, and my work is close to the new place my w’s renting. I noticed the night before that my daughter’s thermos (for daycare), was still at the house and I thought I might need to bring it by so my daughter would have something for warm lunches next week.
So about 2pm I texted her to see if I could drop the thermos by her place. She said she bought another one, but said I could bring it by if I wanted so we could discuss school stuff regarding my daughter.
I arrived at her place at 3:15, and it was good to see my 3yo D, she was joyous as usual. My w looked ok, she didn’t bother to really fix herself up at all—I guess that’s to be expected since it was a Saturday and weather was bad. Anyway, it looked like she had probably took a nap during my daughters nap and her hair was a little messy, but I guess it was nice to see her.
I was fine; as upbeat as I could be. I wasn’t chasing, etc. But my daughter was carrying around a little card that had been written by one of her daycare providers (I’ll call her Miss K). Miss K had been with our D for nearly 2 years, but had found another Job and gave her notice this week. My d loves to hear us read things, so she handed me the card and asked me to read it. I was about 3/4s of the way through the card and Miss K had said something about how special our D was, etc. etc. and I don’t know why, but I started welling up. I stopped reading and handed the card back to my d. My wife called her over to read it for me.
It’s sort of annoying when I do that. I just really have this hope that my daughter doesn’t have to go through a divorce of her parents. Perhaps I’m transferring my feelings about it, since my parents divorced when I was six—but I’m still of the opinion that my d would be better off with us together.
There was no change at all in my w’s behavior. She expressed no interest in what I’d been up to—ie she didn’t ask what I’d been up to, and of course I didn’t volunteer anything. We hadn’t seen each other in 2 weeks, and she didn’t seem like it had really mattered. Everything was strictly business, but she asked me if I wanted to go to an open house at my d’s school with her on Wednesday night.
I of course didn’t have anything major planned (My GAL momentum has stalled somewhat.), so I said I would attend. Afterwards I thought perhaps I should have said that I couldn’t make it—but I figured since it was something regarding my d, it would be good to go to it.
I had hoped that perhaps there would have been more interest, since I did a 180 in not contacting her for anything other than things regarding my d. Perhaps I should have waited longer to contact her, and maybe I shouldn’t have gone over there at all—I don’t know. Again, patience is my ally, and anger is my enemy. It’s just hard to be patient, when I’ve been praying for some light of hope for a while. That sounds as though I’m desperate—I’m not, it’s just that I want some closure I guess. But more than that, I want my family back together.
Here’s an interesting instance of synchronicity, when I got home that afternoon, there was a message on my answering machine. It was the sound of someone haning up, so I checked our home phone records on the web, and saw it was my w who had called. She had called the house at 1:55pm, and I had sent her a text (remember I wasn’t at home, but at the office) at 1:56pm. Kind of weird huh? I din’t ask her, and I guess there’s a possibility that she had tried to call the house after I texted her, but I’m fairly confident that the time stamps on my cell and the home phone were accurate—so either it’s a sign, I’m psychic, or it’s just coincidence. I thought it was neat though.
This weekend I sat around the house and read books. Since I’m an introvert, I don’t have a ton of friends and they were all unavailable, so I sat at home and read. It was terribly cold outside, so I didn’t go anywhere, just read books. That was life enough for me I thought.
Kaffe, if you’re reading, I read Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It was a good—I liked the metaphor of the story—were I reading it during better times, I might be inspired to set out on my own path.
I went down to the beach at lunch today and sat watching the seagulls, and thought of the story—I kept having the nagging thought that my w and I moved to our current part of the country all by ourselves, saying we would stay together forever. It was just the two of us versus the world. Now she’s estranged from me. It felt unfair to me.
But then a thought occurred to me, since I have the freedom to think anything I want, why don’t I have positive thoughts—so spent the next few seconds/minutes visualizing going to the beach next summer with her and my d, or the day she finally comes home.
I still have the hunch that she’s doing all this to teach me a lesson—part of me believes that she really means it when she says it’s over, but maybe she just needs to lay down the law. All I can do is to give her space, and say to myself, “If you love someone, let them go. If they return, it was meant to be.”
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
